


Every star must fall

by garden_of_stars



Series: MetaStar [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Online Romance, Pining, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-09-30 13:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17224826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garden_of_stars/pseuds/garden_of_stars
Summary: This is the second story arc inthe MetaStar series, about Saeran catfishing Saeyoung online through LOLOL.The first fic’s plot arc covered Saeran hatching his plan, successfully seducing his twin online, but then realising his own feelings went far deeper than he’d thought. Offline, as well as in the game.In this second plot arc, it’s Saeyoung’s turn to realise his own true feelings, too, as he pursues Meta online, and continues to attempt to repair his relationship with Saeran offline.Expect pining, angst, and many sweet moments in-between as the twins work on being honest with themselves, and each other.





	1. A visit to Venus

**Saeyoung**

The day after he confesses the depth of his feelings to Saeran offline and Meta online, Saeyoung drifts, unable to focus on anything. High on his emotions, and his confessions.

Saeran is a little more scarce than usual, but considering the day they had at the zoo, and their resulting conversation, it's no surprise. Saeyoung gives his brother space.

He tries to avoid logging onto LOLOL, though it’s tempting to wait however many hours it will take for Meta to show up. But… better to log in at night, like he always does.

If Meta decides to just keep things friendly... Saeyoung will accept it. More than anything, he’s just glad to have met someone he can be this open with.

But. If Meta decides to go through with it… and they really try an online relationship…

He really feels like it could work!

Meta... hadn’t minded that Saeyoung held his brother as his highest priority… they even seemed to _like_ it…

So he spends his day doing tiny, meaningless tasks, daydreaming. What does Meta do? Do they live in the city or the country? Do they have any pets? Is their family large or small?

Are they thinking about him, right now?

(...)

But when the evening comes...

Saeyoung stays up almost all night.

And Meta doesn't log on.

He tries not to read into it. No one can devote every evening to an MMO. It was bound to happen eventually. It’s just unfortunate timing.

But the next night. And the one after that. There’s still no sign of Meta. A couple more days pass. Then a week.

And according to the public server logs, Meta apparently hasn't logged on at all, since their last talk.

(Meta... are you... okay...?)

(Was it… that painful to talk about...?)

He could try hacking, see if he can find out more, but...

If Meta doesn't want to see him, and he did that... it’s definitely a breach of trust. It wouldn’t be to protect the RFA, or his brother. It wouldn’t be for work. It'd just be him behaving selfishly, and not respecting the person he supposedly liked.

So he resists the urge to try and break into their account, just to find, say, an email address. Tempting though it is.

 (...what if they died?)

It’s… highly unlikely, especially given the last time they talked.

Far more likely that Meta had decided they didn’t want to try taking things further, and the pressure of seeing Saeyoung again was too much.

He continues to make sure Saeran's eating, that he sees the sun... but Saeyoung finds himself retiring to his own room in the other moments, unmotivated to do anything else.

(I feel like I'm mourning. This is so dumb.)

(I'm so dumb.)

(I shouldn’t have said anything.)

Even so, he still checks the LOLOL servers at random, during the day, during the night.

When he’s not doing that, or with Saeran, he lies on his bed and mopes. Angry at himself.

To Saeran, it's obvious Saeyoung's withdrawn. And all too obvious why.

**Saeran**

Guilt gnaws at Saeran's stomach.

(It's for the best. He won't thank me for it, but it had to be like this, before things got worse…)

But he can't shake the feeling that in a way, he was putting Saeyoung through what he went through years ago.

Once he would've felt it was just desserts. Once, he would've felt vindicated.

Now he only feels pain.

The least he can do is try to make his brother happier in this dimension. It's difficult though, having to confront the sadness he knows very well he caused.

Saeran has had a taste of Saeyoung's medicine. He doesn't like it.

He doesn't like being so aware of his attraction to his brother, either.

There's no ignoring the awkward questions in his heart, now. The whats, the hows, the whys.

The answers come to him all too easily.

Because any distance between himself and his twin is unbearable. Because he's always admired his twin, physically and mentally, and those feelings bloomed with their reunion.

Because being without his brother or his love would be like going without water. And Saeran has to stop himself from drinking up every drop. It’d only make them both sick.

So, a week and a half after ghosting his twin online, he suggests they finally take that trip to the lookout at night that Saeyoung suggested before. Stargazing would cheer his brother up, right?

He hopes so.

Saeyoung agrees, at least. It’s a date.

(Not a date.)

The following night, Saeran’s head’s a mess, racing just as much as Saeyoung’s car races down the road towards their lookout spot. He tries not to read into their time together as anything more. 

(Nothing will happen.) Saeran reminds himself. (We're just looking at some stars.)

As if he could overcome his own personal barriers anyway. While he has begun to trust Saeyoung now, he cannot trust himself. Any distance he creates is to protect his twin.

But despite knowing this, and doing this, he still yearns for Saeyoung. Carefully documents and treasures every small touch, but can't allow anything bigger.

Finally, they arrive at the lookout.

**Saeyoung**

No one else is there.

No tourists.

No retirees.

No...

...couples.

They set up in a spot that allows for a good view of the sky. It’s a fairly warm evening, and the breeze is light.

Saeyoung finds himself brightening a little, despite his woes, as the two of them enjoy the quiet thrill of being out here, under the stars.

Real stars, not the imitations he has on his ceiling at home...

With someone real... not someone on a screen...

The thought is still bittersweet.

(Focus on the stars, and showing Saeran all the best ones.)

Speaking of which.

"Saeran-ah, I found a planet for you to look at!"

He reaches out to tug at Saeran's sleeve, then stands.

"Take a look!"

As Saeran bends down to peer through, Saeyoung explains what he is looking at. "This is Venus! I'm glad we were able to catch her! Isn't she pretty? She's named for the goddess of love... victory... you..."

His voice softens.

"You have to be quick to catch her... she's the first planet to disappear in the sky..."

**Saeran**

Saeran has hoped that this would take Saeyoung's mind off his broken heart... But apparently not. Even the planets were conspiring against him.

Maybe… maybe if Saeyoung tells him about it, he’ll be able to move on. It’s not going to be fun listening to his brother talk about Saeran ghosting him, but if it’ll help him go back to how he was…

"Something's bothering you."

Rising from where he bent over the telescope, Saeran gives Saeyoung a significant look.

**Saeyoung**

"...ah."

Shamefaced, Saeyoung looks back to the sky.

(He sees right through me, huh? Guess it's only to be expected of my other half.)

But where to even begin?

"Uhm. So. I guess I… finally had a taste of my own medicine, haha…” He keeps his eyes fixed on the sky. “Leaving you was the most painful thing I ever did in my life. I'm not saying this for sympathy. Just perspective."

His fingers curl at his sides.

"And you had to pay for my selfish choice... one I made without you. Because I knew... you'd rather suffer with me than be free and alone... deep down I knew that...”

He blinks, the stars no longer in focus, eyes wet. (Ugh. He’s gonna be so disappointed in me… getting so worked up over someone I met online…)

“I never should have made that decision for you… I was a coward…”

He swallows. “And that was only the start. After you, I did it again, and again. Any connection made to another human being… even after years of friendship. Without a single word, one day I’d just be gone. Because that’s how it had to be. If… if it wasn’t for you, the RFA would have been next. I’d already clung to them longer than was safe… you saved me, Saeran… it doesn’t matter what your intentions were… you saved me… being with you…”

He turns back to look at his twin, trying, and failing, to keep his voice steady. “Being with you saves me. Just having you in my life… ah. So… I’ll be okay. You don’t need to worry. It’s just…”

He sighs. It’s going to sound so dumb that he’s this upset about an online friend, after everything he’s done to other people. Maybe he can leave that part out.

“Like I said… I guess it was about time I experienced what it was like. To not know if someone was dead or alive. I’ve earned it so many times over…”

He tries to breathe in again, but it feels like his heart has taken up all the space inside him – no room for air.

“Saeran… can I… please… can I hug you? I know it’s still… I just…”

He hasn’t wanted to push Saeran too hard, even as he’s started to reach out more. Something like this… especially when he’s feeling like _this…_ he doesn’t want to push himself on Saeran without explicit consent.

**Saeran**

Little does Saeyoung know that his every word is a stab to Saeran's heart, and more importantly, his will.

Maybe... he should log on.

Catch Star one last time.

End things properly.

Let his brother have closure and pick up the pieces of his heart... but not in a malicious way. Saeran nods, validating himself and giving consent to Saeyoung.

“...I understand."

**Saeyoung**

Glasses still in his hand, Saeyoung gratefully wraps Saeran in the hug he’d wanted to give at the zoo. The hug he’s wanted to be able to give Saeran for so long… (If only it was in a happier context…)

His brother is so warm… and his smell is so comforting… and… it’s like his heart has been kick-started, hammering in his chest again after feeling like it was going to burst while he’d been talking.

Can Saeran feel it?

“Ahh… Saeran… thank you…”

His voice rumbles in his chest, throaty and emotional, and the vibration transfers to Saeran through their closeness. “I just wish I knew this friend was alive… I really thought we’d connected… there was something about them… that made me think…”

That maybe his heart could really connect with someone, other than his brother. In a special way, both like and unlike what he had with his twin…

He rests his chin on Saeran’s shoulder, fingers curled around his torso. Breath warm by his ear, and voice soft.

“…it’d be silly to call a feeling like that… ‘soulmates,’ exactly, haha… I actually only knew them for about a month and a half. Uh. Online,” he admits, awkwardly. Might as well own up to it. He’s come this far. And it’s not like he’s been going out on his own over that time, so Saeran was going to work it out anyway.

“But… it kind of felt like one of those… one in a million… one in a billion people… who just… clicks, you know? Someone who fits with you easily…”

 His voice is almost dream-like, as he adds: “So… ‘soulmates’ is kind of… dramatic, but… maybe, ‘similar spirits’? I don’t know… that sounds kinda weird too, but it was just so easy… to grow close to them.”

He sighs. “Stupid. I’m so stupid, and I can’t stop being stupid, and I can’t stop thinking about it… ahh.”

Reluctantly, he loosens his grip, although he doesn’t let go. “It’s going to hurt a while longer. I can’t… stop it hurting. But telling you did help. Thank you…”

**Saeran**

"Uh... mm," is all Saeran can say at first, stuck in a limbo of wanting to die from shame and happiness.

Is it Saeyoung's heartbeat, or his, drumming so loudly in his ears?

(Soulmates... huh...)

Saeyoung can _never_ know.

"...everyone on the messenger has been getting worried," he finally says, lamely.

And there's a thought. A sudden, terrible thought... That might be the solution to all Saeran's problems.

Except one.

"Didn't you have a crush on Yoosung...?"

It’s not something Saeran wants, and the idea of Saeyoung acting on that crush makes Saeran’s chest ache. But if he keeps going down the track he is, Saeran knows they'll both end up ruined.

At least, with Yoosung... that kid knows his place, knows how Saeyoung feels about his brother. Wouldn’t overstep his boundaries.

And maybe he’d be able to heal the romantic part of Saeyoung’s heart.

**Saeyoung**

“U…uh…”

Saeyoung is very glad he’s still holding Saeran, because he suddenly feels so exposed. Glad he can’t feel his brother’s eyes on him.

“That’s… I mean… it’s fun to tease him… and I don’t think he’s quite as straight as he thinks he is… but… Yoosung, is…”

The embers of that crush faded away some time ago. And he doesn’t want to rebound onto his best friend. Yoosung deserves more than that.

“I don’t think romance is a necessary thing to have in my life… I don’t need it to be happy. I have you…”

(I might be hurting now, but you’re really all I need… I’ll be okay…)

“…ah, and the RFA. My life is already filled with people I care for. I don’t have to… do the other things.”

He releases Saeran, then… at least, a little. Taking his hands instead (though nearly dropping his glasses). Looking at him earnestly. Keen to communicate that, this.

This really was enough.

“I mean it. My heart is full, thanks to all of you. I don’t want to run into someone’s arms, even if they’d open them, just because they’re a little cute, or kind. I don’t _need_ someone else to complete me.”

And it’s true. He already feels whole. It’s only that Meta had… somehow, Meta had taken over his heart, day by day. He’s not even sure how. It just felt natural.

“I just have to mourn a little… and hope that… that they’re… alive… that something terrible hasn’t happened.”

He looks down at their joined hands.

“They weren’t just a kind person, or a cute person. They were special. So, I’m sure they’re doing fine. I just wish we could have stayed friends… I feel like I messed up somehow. Missed the chance to connect with a rare person...”

His eyes flick back to the sky.

But Venus is gone.

“Ah…”

The symbolism hurts more than he would have thought.

**Saeran**

Saeran glances down to their hands, eyelashes dark and casting shadows on his cheeks in this low light. His lips are slightly parted, as if on the precipice on saying something, and his fingers twitch in Saeyoung's hands like they're trying to grasp something.

But he's quiet. Saeyoung's wish reverberates within him, as does the knowledge that the feelings went deeper than a mere crush.

He doesn't know how he wormed his way so deeply into Saeyoung's heart either.

Perhaps the same way Saeyoung has nestled himself in his.

After some thought, Saeran finally finds the words to reply.

"I know... What it's like to have no closure. So... Let's hope we can find a shooting star tonight for you to wish on. Even if it’s not Yoosung."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung gives his brother's hands a squeeze, smiling at that. Then he lets them go, so he can put his glasses back on.

"Mmmm, I wouldn't want to wish on Yoosung, unless it was to get a C+, hahaha... ah, that's too mean, I know he's been working harder lately... hah."

And with that, he transitions them both back into stargazing a while longer, and he even manages to enjoy himself, despite the shadow of loss still around his shoulders like a cloak.

Maybe this is what he should have been doing all this time. Going out more places with Saeran, who he loved more than anyone.

Even standing next to him at the telescope makes Saeyoung feel warm… listening to his voice, too…

He wants to show his brother how much he appreciates him.

And as the night grows late, and they prepare to leave, he gets just the chance he needs. Passing by a familiar sight…

It’s the purple flowers that he’d photographed before… that he’d seen after the first night he had started chatting to Meta.

“Ah…”

So, he stops, and picks a few. Wraps a piece of grass around them like a tiny bouquet.

“Saeran…”

His twin is already packing the telescope back into the car, having walked on while Saeyoung lingered.

“I wanted to give you these last time, but I was too nervous then. But, these are for you!”

As Saeran turns to him, to see what's in his hands.

(Ah... he looks so beautiful in the starlight... I wish I could give him more than just these...)

But what else he'd like to give Saeran... his heart refuses to share.

**Saeran**

The way Saeran's eyes glitter in the low light as soon as he catches sight of the flowers certainly is bewitching. It's like he was made for the soft glow of twilight.

Gingerly, Saeran takes the flowers. Hardly believing the gesture.

"They're lilacs," he explains. Identifying them on sight.

(First love, innocence, emotions... Are among their meanings.)

Saeyoung can't have known, but it moves Saeran anyway.

(I wish... that I could tell you.)

"Thank you for finding these for me," he says instead.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah... I'm glad you like them. They suit you... I think. So does the starlight, haha..."

A photo could never capture how his twin looked, in this moment. Nothing could beat standing here, now, seeing his brother under the stars.

He's so lucky... to have Saeran.

Maybe... maybe Saeran is right.

Maybe one of the stars will grant his wish.

He'll check, one more time...

And then do his best to give it up. Maybe retire Star for good, too.

So he can smile properly again, for Saeran.

**Saeran**

Little do either of them know what's in store for them both.

The ride back home is uneventful. Once they’re back, he asks Saeyoung to find a vase for the flowers. Mostly just to buy himself some time to sneakily log onto LOLOL, volume muted, as he changes into pyjamas.

Meeting Saeyoung back in the living room, he takes the vase of lilacs, and says good night to his brother.

Who has no idea that Meta is already waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably gonna take the next day or two off, but I suspect you'll see the next update from me by January 2nd at the latest haha, because I have no self control. Over January, I'll probably alternate between posting chapters for this series, and for the Garden of Stars series, and occasionally post solo one-shots I've written separately (also, posting the final chapters of my solo Dear Enemy fic... that one requires me to be in the right mood to write intense stuff so that's why it's dragged out longer;;).
> 
> Also, I just wanna take a moment to wish you all a happy new year!! My co-writer for this/Garden of Stars series and I are so happy that people are still enjoying this powerful ship!! The twins have so much raw emotional power to move my heart, I'm so glad to have been a part of contributing content for this tag. And I just want to wish you all an amazing 2019... I hope it'll be your best year yet!
> 
> Love you all, and let's have even more adventures at the space station in the coming year!!!
> 
> \- The Saeyoung half of the MetaStar/GoS team ^^


	2. Your one and only star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Star confronts Meta online, seeking to understand Meta's disappearance, and hoping to convince Meta not to vanish again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, as in this chapter we reference a HC that conflicts with how we've characterised Saeyoung in our other series.
> 
> That is: unlike the [Garden of Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1000044) series, in which Saeyoung has had a decent amount of sexual experience before the story begins, in this AU we decided that both Saeran and Saeyoung were very inexperienced. Saeyoung has experimented a lot on his own, but that's it. Unlike his Garden of Stars self, who sought comfort in sex during his time as an Agent while knowing he could never have a real romantic relationship. 
> 
> This decision was just for variety's sake - it's interesting to explore how both of them would approach romance and physical affection, with this different experience level. Both ways can work with their canon characters, imho! 
> 
> But yes. In this series, Saeyoung has no idea. He learned to charm in the Agency but never actually did _that_ kind of infiltrating, lol.

**Saeyoung**

Connecting to the LOLOL servers, Saeyoung’s fingers drum on his desk anxiously.

(One more time… just one more.)

And if there’s no sign of Meta…

He’ll leave it be. He’ll retire Star… hell, maybe just quit LOLOL completely.

Just.

One more time.

It feels like an eternity between selecting Star and her standing before him. Then she’s there, cloak blowing in the wind, by the lakeside where he and Meta had worked on levelling their bobokos all those weeks ago…

He checks his friends list, and -

> > Meta…!
> 
> > I was so worried!

Meta’s in the location they’d been last time they’d spoken… he really did catch them the first time they logged in again.

(It… it’s a sign, right?)

It has to be.

He wished on the stars, and now they’re here…

> > please don’t log out

They aren’t far… Star starts making her way over to Meta’s location.

**Saeran**

This is it. The beginning of the end.

Saeran can't shake the thought of how Saeyoung looked tonight out of his head. Sad, and lonely, and...

That's why he has to do this.

> > Hi Star
> 
> > You want to talk, right?
> 
> > Sorry to have kept you waiting.

He doesn't move from his location, letting Saeyoung track him down.

**Saeyoung**

As Star makes her way over to Meta…

> > i know i said
> 
> > a day
> 
> > a week
> 
> > a month
> 
> > a year

She finally spots Meta, after stepping out of the nearest portal.

> > but
> 
> > i don't think i was expecting
> 
> > to lose your company entirely
> 
> > over the duration

Star joins Meta at their side.

> > i missed you

Star doesn't emote. She just waits.

**Saeran**

> > It's a weak excuse, but...
> 
> > I needed time away to think.

Technically true. Yet another technical truth of many, that may as well be lies.

> > I'm here now.
> 
> > Why don't we go somewhere?

Despite all his options, Saeran's coming up blank though. That is until he sees the lilacs put of the corner of his eye, positioned on the drawers next to his bed.

(...Yes. Let's take this back to the beginning.)

Surely Saeyoung would appreciate that too.

> > How about that forest?
> 
> > With the violet leaves.
> 
> > I can set up a trap that repels mobs

**Saeyoung**

> > okay
> 
> > let's go
> 
> > i'll listen to whatever you want to say
> 
> > ...and i hope you'll hear me, too

They make their way back to the violet grove. Not making any kind of small talk.

There's nothing small about what he wants to say.

**Saeran**

Heavy...

Saeran had begun all this to escape such heaviness. To create a world without expectations.

(But… there's no such world, is there?)

Once at the grove, Saeran sets the trap. Lucky not to run into any monsters on the way... but it's good to protect themselves against any that spawn anyway.

He has Meta sit, before he types again.

> > We're here.
> 
> > This place... Is where a lot of good memories began.
> 
> > I wanted to remember that as we talk.
> 
> > You must have a lot to say...
> 
> > Do you want to start?

**Saeyoung**

Star sits across from Meta.

Her sprite is still, her only idle animation in this position barely perceptible breathing, and an occasional tilt of the head. Saeyoung’s typing less casual, too.

> > My memories with you...
> 
> > Have all been good...
> 
> > …is it only me that feels that way?
> 
> > Are you afraid I won't like the person you are, in reality?
> 
> > I know that wouldn't be true. I'm certain.
> 
> > I don't care what you look like. What your life is. Who your family is. What you do for work.
> 
> > And...
> 
> > We don’t have to do anything more than we used to
> 
> > If you don't want to...
> 
> > I really think you're special, Meta
> 
> > And I want to understand you...
> 
> > So please
> 
> > Tell me what you’re thinking...

**Saeran**

It's a small blessing that Saeran has heard most of this already. Had a chance to prepare himself for what Saeyoung was going to say.

It's also a curse.

Saeran... Forgot how nice it was to be someone else online. Someone who could respond to Saeyoung without restraint. And... Saeran's so tired of the little lies.

He wants to respond honestly, at least to this.

> > It isn't just you. I feel that way too.
> 
> > But, that’s the problem.
> 
> > I want to be with you. I want to go so much deeper with you…
> 
> > So, so much... It's crazy. It's painful. I'd do anything...
> 
> > But you're right.
> 
> > I'm scared.
> 
> > This is the first time I've felt this way for anyone...
> 
> > But I think
> 
> > I'm not meant for romance.
> 
> > It isn't something I can allow myself to have.
> 
> > So, I thought it'd be easier if I disappeared... Like I never existed.
> 
> > Because I don't. Meta doesn't.
> 
> > But
> 
> > It didn't feel right, leaving you alone like that... without saying anything
> 
> > Considering I'd hate that happening to me.

For a brief moment, Saeran stops typing. Takes a deep breath.

> > So when I logged on today...
> 
> > I thought it's fair
> 
> > That this be a goodbye

**Saeyoung**

Why?

Why can’t they at least try?

He's so terrified Meta will disappear at any moment. Especially after hearing that. So Saeyoung’s next messages are rapid, and barely thought-through.

> > You like me
> 
> > I like you
> 
> > That's enough
> 
> > That qualifies you for romance. Both of us!
> 
> > Maybe things won't work out, but...
> 
> > How can you know you aren't suited to romance, if you won't try?
> 
> > I was wrong
> 
> > I regret everything I said about controlling your emotions
> 
> > I wish I could take it all back
> 
> > I was so wrong
> 
> > I took your advice
> 
> > I followed my heart
> 
> > I told my sibling what I wanted to tell them
> 
> > And they didn't turn me away
> 
> > And I truly feel that they saw my sincerity
> 
> > You were right
> 
> > You were right, that time!
> 
> > When you said I should trust, and share how I felt!
> 
> > So why can't you give yourself a chance too?
> 
> > Why not explore this together...?
> 
> > Here, just the two of us
> 
> > Being honest
> 
> > and safe
> 
> > and without expectation
> 
> > and just see?
> 
> > I want to try!
> 
> > With you…!

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's text covers the screen. Saeran having no opportunity to type a response. Every time he started, Saeyoung had written something new.

It's effective. With no chance to reply, his ability to reject Saeyoung weakens. Every line is an attack weakening Saeran's resolve. So bombarded, Saeran finds he has little room for protest.

When at last given time to do so, Saeran has enough doubts coupling up with his desires that they effectively dismantle any reasonable counter-arguments.

(He has a point.)

If they can keep the relationship to LOLOL... Safe, and strings-free...

Can't he try it? See if it really is possible?

(Honestly...)

(Hyung can be so compelling.)

And Saeran's gladly falling for it. Wants to believe in Saeyoung so badly.

> > In real life... It's impossible for me.
> 
> > But here... If it's in LOLOL...
> 
> > ...would that really be okay?
> 
> > to only be together online?
> 
> > I can’t meet you in real life…
> 
> > I’m sorry…

Right. Yeah. Saeyoung may be speaking from the heart, but Saeran has doubts he'd truly be happy with something that only remained online.

Not to mention, Meta has just put him through hell. Burning through most of his twin’s goodwill. Surely.

> > Are you sure you want this, if that’s all there is?

**Saeyoung**

...is Meta in an iron lung or something?

...under house arrest?

...an artificial intelligence with no physical form?

(Anything could be possible...)

(And knowing me… that’s exactly the kind of impossible person I’d fall for…)

> > I at least want to try!
> 
> > And... I know if it doesn't work out, it will hurt
> 
> > but speaking from experience
> 
> > regrets hurt more.
> 
> > I would rather try to be with you
> 
> > see if it was possible
> 
> > than be left with a question unanswered the rest of my life.

Maybe there's hope? He's practically clinging to the keyboard like a life saver.

> > The times I've made decisions
> 
> > for someone else,
> 
> > thinking I was doing what was best for them…
> 
> > even though my heart was telling me not to do it…
> 
> > even though my heart was aching…
> 
> > I regret all of them.
> 
> > I wish I could back, and undo it all.
> 
> > I wish I’d trusted what I felt…
> 
> > I wish I’d listened to what they wanted…

**Saeran**

Every other point was convincing enough, but it's the last one which seals the deal.

Had from the start, Saeran reflects.

He came online because of it.

Their history still powerful here, even if Saeyoung doesn’t know just how much Meta understands his words.

> > Then...
> 
> > I… want to trust you, too
> 
> > And listen to you…
> 
> > so
> 
> > I'll do my best
> 
> > not to falter anymore.
> 
> > I let my fears get the better of me.
> 
> > When I could've spent all this time with you…

Staring at the screen, Saeran blinks at the text. At the virtual world where he and Saeyoung can be together... And happy.

> > Oh
> 
> > It just hit me
> 
> > Is this really happening?

He feels dizzy and lost and giddy. This wasn't what he logged in for. This wasn't planned at all...!

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung is just as giddy.

> > Meta! I'm so glad...!
> 
> > Then!!!
> 
> > Then, please!
> 
> > Let’s try! Let’s go out!
> 
> > If it’s okay, then
> 
> > haha
> 
> > it's that simple
> 
> > we can be together
> 
> > ah
> 
> > I feel like I should do something…
> 
> > ………………………………………
> 
> > …………………………
> 
> > …………
> 
> > …does this??
> 
> > is being here
> 
> >  kind of
> 
> > a date, now??

**Saeran**

Saeran's heart should be sinking, but each word Saeyoung types somehow manages to keep it afloat. He can feel it bounce in his chest.

> > omg
> 
> > Is it?
> 
> > I don't know!
> 
> > I have no idea what to do
> 
> > my own heart is racing
> 
> > I think...
> 
> > I can't think

His head is so muddled.

**Saeyoung**

Already, Saeyoung wants to sweep Meta into his arms.

> >... to be honest
> 
> > I don't think I've ever been on. uh…
> 
> > I've never... courted anyone, haha

Agency work aside. It didn't count. Because it never involved his heart.

> > But... I want to court u...
> 
> > until u blush...!
> 
> > and laugh...!
> 
> > and feel...
> 
> > how I'm feeling...!

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's doing a good job without even trying. Saeran's cheeks are burning, and his mouth keeps curving into a smile.

Hiding this change from Saeyoung might be impossible... But hopefully his twin will be too preoccupied with the matters of his own heart to notice.

> > That sounds wonderful.
> 
> > I missed chatting with you so much.
> 
> > I couldn't bear to be away any longer...
> 
> > But I never imagined this would happen.
> 
> > You're so convincing.
> 
> > And I wanted to let you in so badly.
> 
> > You can hook me with every word.

Saeran should have seen this coming. In the virtual world, their natural barriers were already lowered. It was why he catfished Saeyoung here in the first place.

But, for the same reasons, he was vulnerable to Saeyoung's charm here, too…

So... Now what?

> > But...
> 
> > How will being together now be any different from before?
> 
> > Is it because we're aware of it?
> 
> > Because we say so?

**Saeyoung**

> > well...
> 
> > it's not as if romance is a DLC u can install~
> 
> > it's not as if it's a piece of armour we can equip

In-game wedding gear aside. But he’s not gonna start talking about that kind of thing on a first date!

> > we’ll have to decide what it means
> 
> > and what we want to do
> 
> > together! ^^
> 
> > should I…
> 
> > whisper sweet nothings to you…?
> 
> > our characters might not be able to hold each other the way I would irl
> 
> > but that's okay
> 
> > i'll just describe to u
> 
> > wrapping u in my arms
> 
> > my voice at ur ear
> 
> > I can tell u all the things I like about u
> 
> > would u like that?
> 
> > I’ll do whatever u want…

He’s already getting carried away, reaching such highs after a week and a half of miserable lows

**Saeran**

It doesn't help that Saeyoung's already done half those things to Saeran tonight. That he remembers exactly how it felt.

To have Saeyoung praise him as he did that...

> > ah
> 
> > you're messing with me.
> 
> > but
> 
> > that's fine...

Though maybe moving too fast.

**Saeyoung**

> > Awww
> 
> > i'm sorry if it comes off that way
> 
> > i just want u to know
> 
> > how giddy i feel right now
> 
> > i'm thinking of everything and nothing at once
> 
> > i don't know where to begin
> 
> > except that i want to show u how much u've captured my heart

Saeyoung grins at the screen.

It would be nice to be able to see how his words affected Meta.

Still. They've come this with only words.

This can work.

He knows it.

**Saeran**

> > All I know right now
> 
> > Is that I'm glad I can share this world with you.
> 
> > And talk with you like this
> 
> > That you didn't change your mind even when I was cruel.
> 
> > That I can let myself think of you... As much as I like.

It feels as if a burden has finely been lifted.

There's no need to pretend anymore. Not in this fantasy of theirs, which is more real, more honest than reality itself.

> > oh
> 
> > I've really never felt like this... With anyone else.

Even the technical truths feel good. Saeran finally has an outlet where Saeyoung will listen to him. Somewhere he won’t have to hold back at all.

**Saeyoung**

> > from what you're saying
> 
> > does this make us
> 
> > each other's first love?
> 
> > ^^
> 
> > haha... no wonder we both struggled a little, right?
> 
> > this is all new to us both
> 
> > but... I like the idea of u thinking of me... as much as u like
> 
> > i'll think of u, too...

They talk for hours into the night... and into the early morning. Both still struggling to accept that this reality... this kind reality, where their feelings are reciprocated... is actually the one they live in.

Even if it's all through a screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Saeyoung announces his relationship to the RFA, who are all _very_ curious... and start asking Saeyoung questions that _definitely_ make Saeran nervous. Can he really hide his knowledge of his double life from his twin?


	3. Yoosung gets to 0.5th base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung reveals his new relationship to the RFA, but soon the conversation turns from the members' sheer disbelief that Saeyoung has a date, to questions about what exactly people can do together online, anyway...

**Saeyoung**

The morning after his reunion with Meta, Saeyoung wakes late.

Really, _really_ late.

It makes sense. They both stayed up into the early hours of the morning.

…still, Saeyoung has to fight the temptation to immediately log back in to see if Meta is online. It’s only thoughts of Saeran that help him squash the urge. He doesn’t want to worry his brother.

Plus, Saeran should hear the good news!

And Saeyoung gets the chance to share it sooner than he thinks, encountering a bleary-eyed Saeran on the way back from the bathroom.

"Saeran-ah~" he hums, softly, glowing with happiness. "It's you, it's you~ My other half~" Despite the late night, his eyes are bright, his smile is relaxed, and his voice is playful.

"Can I... tell you something? Oh, uh, unless it’s too early to talk? But, don't worry, it's a good thing this time... I wanna celebrate...! Ah, can I hug you?!"

It’s hard not to just leap into his brother’s arms when he’s this giddy, though they’ve really only started being more physical in the last couple weeks. So he tries to hold himself back, despite the excitement threatening to burst from his fingertips.

**Saeran**

It's a lot to deal with first thing upon waking up. After he logged out last night, Saeran had tossed and turned with all the ups and downs his emotions were taking.

Really, he could have gotten up earlier, but that would mean confronting...

This.

The only reason he's up now is because his stomach and bladder had begun to urgently protest.

On the plus side, that gives him an excuse to avoid his twin.

"Not now," he responds brusquely, brushing past Saeyoung to get to the bathroom.

He takes his time in the bathroom. Using it as a chance to refresh his mind and think through how to handle balancing how both his reality and the game world have changed, since last night.

There's no way the two can't coexist. Saeyoung's brilliant smile this morning was evidence of that.

Quietly, Saeran feels the same. Except anxiety hounds him.

(It's like he said... here and now, it's me. His other half.)

Not Meta, his new online lover.

Things like Saeyoung's hugs and touches might get more difficult to take. Yet so, so worth it for when he can remember them, while he’s playing as Meta.

He has to tread softly.

Even though that’s the last thing he wants to do.

He wants to be unrestrained, reckless. Embrace Saeyoung in ways he's never been before.

But that would destroy the progress they’ve made, and Saeran's working on not being so self-destructive of his own happiness.

Splashing water on his face, Saeran exits the bathroom to encounter his twin setting up breakfast in the living room.

"...you said something about celebrating?" he asks, tentatively.

In a way, it'll let Saeran celebrate too without drawing any suspicion.

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah!!" Saeyoung finishes placing plates of food next to each other on the table. He forces himself to sit down on the couch by Saeran, so excited that it’s a legitimate concern he may well vibrate himself off the cushions and onto the floor.

"Uhm... so! The stars granted my wish... the person who disappeared... they came back! They contacted me...! And... uh…” His voice softens. “We're in an online relationship now..."

Saeyoung knits his fingers together in his lap. "It might sound weird, but they... they give me this feeling like... ahhh, how do I explain it? Like I met someone truly rare… and precious… haha. Sorry, this all probably sounds really sudden... I never even told you about them until last night, hah…"

Apparently some new thought hits him, then. He looks up at his twin, hands going to his knees. The line of his eyebrows sincere.

"Ah, but, Saeran... I want you to know... you're still my most important person... no one will ever take your place in my heart."

**Saeran**

"I'm not worried about that..." Saeran replies, unable to look at Saeyoung in his entirety. Saeyoung will probably rationalise that his brother's behaving this way as a defence mechanism.

He wouldn't be wrong.

Expecting that Saeyoung has plenty more to get out of his system, Saeran starts picking at the meal laid out before him. Knowing he needs to eat.

But somehow, he has no appetite anymore.

**Saeyoung**

"Haha, you're a better person than me, then..." Saeyoung comments lightly, leaning into his twin's shoulder, casual as anything. "I'm going to be extremely jealous of anyone that captures your attention... but I know that's unfair, wanting you all to myself, haha..."

Probably to Saeran's relief, Saeyoung ends the contact at that point, leaning forward to scoop up a bite of food, though rather than then eating it, it just hovers in the air.

"Ah... so... it's a... LOLOL person... just so you know... I know that sounds weird. But, that suits me, right? I'm not the type to fall for anyone in a normal way, right? Haha."

He leans back into the couch. "So, uh, if you ever change your mind and make an account, I'll introduce you two! But, no pressure."

**Saeran**

Saeran's arm tingles from where Saeyoung leaned against it.

He takes a big bite of food to keep himself from saying anything while Saeyoung talks, only responding once he's thoroughly chewed and swallowed.

"Is that like the e-boyfriend trend?" he asks, somewhat diverting the topic. "Be careful not to get addicted to the game... or fooled."

**Saeyoung**

"Ahhhh... thanks for worrying about me!"

Saeyoung finally takes a bite of his food. Though he barely waits to swallow before he adds: "You’re right though, for all I know I'm now dating an artificial intelligence with no physical form. But, that also suits me, don't you think? Heh."

He sounds pretty unconcerned for someone who knows almost nothing about his love interest. Especially seeing his entire career has been about gaining information superiority over others.

(Part of me… likes it this way.)

Like this, they’re just two minds coming together. Their past, even their present doesn’t matter. No pressure to live a certain way, look a certain way…

**Saeran**

"As long as you're happy," is all Saeran says, and he means it.

Hopefully, now that Saeran has given his brotherly permission, Saeyoung won’t try and involve him any further. That way, he can enjoy their online relationship, too. Without it having more impact on his real world life than he can handle.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran seems to get his wish, the rest of their breakfast (or, given the time, more like lunch) eaten in relative silence. Saeyoung doesn’t collect the dishes once they’re done, like he usually would. Instead he pulls his legs up onto the sofa, opening the RFA messenger app.

Yoosung, Zen, and Jumin are all logged in. Saeyoung jumps into the conversation with enthusiasm. He doesn’t immediately share his news. But an opportunity comes up, soon enough.

> Yoosung★: u’ve been quiet Jumin
> 
> Jumin: I’m taking lunch with V.
> 
> Zen: Typical. Shouldn’t you be paying attention to the person you’re eating with?
> 
> Jumin: V is interested in what’s happening on the messenger, so I am updating him.
> 
> 707: Oh, me too, me too!
> 
> 707: I just had lunch with Saeran lolol
> 
> 707: Made it myself lol
> 
> 707: With L O V E~<3
> 
> Zen: ;;;;
> 
> Zen: Don’t drown him with your love lmao
> 
> Zen: No guy wants that much of your love haha
> 
> Yoosung★: make me lunch >_<
> 
> Yoosung★: the cafeteria food is really bad today T_T
> 
> Zen: Yoosung lol
> 
> Zen: Are you sure you want Seven to make you lunch;;;
> 
> Yoosung★: ;;;;;
> 
> Yoosung★: good point;
> 
> Yoosung★: he’d probably put in one of those cans that shoot out confetti instead of nuts;;
> 
> Zen: or one of those plastic replicas restaurants have in their windows lolol
> 
> Zen: you’ll bite into it and hurt your teeth lol
> 
> Yoosung★: Seven!!
> 
> Yoosung★: how could u T_T
> 
> Zen: if only u had a girlfriend
> 
> Zen: she could have made you something with love
> 
> 707: T_T
> 
> 707: I make excellent meals
> 
> 707: ur all just mean T_T
> 
> Yoosung★: a girlfriend… lol;;;;
> 
> Yoosung★: not for me… the forever-alone… T_T
> 
> Zen: if you didn’t play so many games in first year, maybe you’d have one by now
> 
> Yoosung★: You can get a girlfriend through games, you know!
> 
> Jumin: I have heard of this. Is this what they call 'cybering'
> 
> Yoosung★: tgdfgdfg;;
> 
> Yoosung★: that's not it Jumin
> 
> Zen: Name one person who has gotten a date through LOLOL lmao
> 
> 707: lol
> 
> 707: funny u should say that
> 
> 707: that’s where I had my first date lol
> 
> 707: u can totally meet someone online lol
> 
> Zen: Seven;;;
> 
> Zen: We’re being serious…
> 
> Zen: You on a date……….
> 
> Zen: lmao

**Saeran**

Saeran takes care of the dishes while Saeyoung chats. They're quick work, so once he comes back into the living room it's the perfect time to see his brother practically bounce in his seat as he types away on his phone.

It's easy to guess what he's talking about. For a moment, Saeran tries to refrain from logging in himself... But his curiosity gets the better of him. He wants to see what Saeyoung had to say.

Going back to his room, Saeran quickly logs in, just in time to see Zen's doubt.

> Yoosung★: Saeran!
> 
> Yoosung★: Great timing.
> 
> Yoosung★: There's no way Seven has an online GF right?
> 
> Jumin: How crass.
> 
> Jumin: Paparazzi use the same tactics to glean private information.
> 
> ZEN: dude;; this is seven we're talking about

It figures that Yoosung would go to him to confirm it though.

He's cultivated a slightly more reliable image than his twin.

> Saeran: Believe it or not
> 
> Saeran: It's true.

**Saeyoung**

> Yoosung★: omg
> 
> Zen: wait
> 
> Zen You not only went on a date,
> 
> Zen: but you HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
> 
> Jumin: Aren't those things generally combined?
> 
> Zen: But, right now? You have one RIGHT NOW?
> 
> 707: maybe lol
> 
> 707: who can say lol
> 
> Yoosung★: um... shouldn't u be able to say?;;
> 
> 707: well,
> 
> 707: it might be a boyfriend?
> 
> 707: or a sentient toaster?
> 
> 707: this is the internet
> 
> 707: u never know who u r talking to
> 
> 707: what a mystery~
> 
> Zen: what
> 
> Yoosung★: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL???

**Saeran**

It is a little ridiculous when you think about it. Even though it's the very thing Saeran was relying on.

Who knew his brother's type would literally be an enigma though?

> Jumin: Luciel.
> 
> Jumin: V is concerned.
> 
> Jumin: You should expect a phone call.

...

It figures that would catch V's attention. No doubt the man would try to phone Saeran too, even though Saeran never picked up any of V’s calls. It didn't seem to deter him from trying to make a connection.

Thankfully there's one RFA member on Saeran's side... kinda.

> [Yoosung sigh emote]
> 
> Yoosung★: Even if it's strange...
> 
> Yoosung★: I really don't think V should be giving relationship advice
> 
> [Saeran ‘Hmph’ emote]
> 
> Saeran: He's interfered enough.

**Saeyoung**

They kind of have a point.

Saeyoung is distracted from that by his brother's use of his emotes. Much to the RFA’s surprise, Saeran had made his own, preferring to be the one to determine his exact expressions. Matching Saeyoung’s graphic design perfectly.

Saeyoung loved every one of them.

(So… so cute...)

His phone rings before he gets any further with that thought. He stands as he answers, knowing this was going to be the kind of conversation it would be impossible to sit still throughout.

"It's you, V..." he says. Not unfriendly. But there’s a distance that once hadn’t existed between the two of them, now.

V may have helped him when he’d reunited with Saeran at Mint Eye. And Saeyoung might understand why V had made the choices for Saeran that he did.

But it still didn’t change that so much had happened to Saeran that could have been prevented, if only V had asked for help.

"Don't you think romantic advice is a little out of your area of expertise?" he adds, echoing the sentiment from his brother and Yoosung.

"...yes, but making mistakes doesn't qualify you as an expert, either," he responds, to whatever V says next. "Are you concerned they’ll tell me they’re a Nigerian prince and ask for all my savings? Or that they’ll tell me there’s some children they want to abduct and train as hackers?”

It’s not nearly the most spiteful thing he can say. Saeyoung is _trying_. For Jumin’s sake, if nothing else.

“…I’m not stupid, V. I’m not nearly so naive as I was as a child.”

He paces, voice growing soft. “That’s not it. You know more than anyone. All I need in my life to be happy is my brother. This isn’t loneliness. It’s just…”

**Saeran**

Rather than listen in, Saeran focuses all his energy on the messenger. He might have begrudgingly accepted V back into his life and understood he was also a victim...

But it was going to take more than that to heal their relationship.

As expected, Jumin scolds them before logging off soon after Saeyoung. Wanting to give his friends space and having no further investment in the conversation.

Which leaves Saeran with Yoosung and Zen, and just as predictably the conversation loops back to romance.

> Zen: Come to think of it
> 
> Zen: Does a relationship online really count?
> 
> Zen: [question emote]
> 
> Zen: You can't exactly do things a normal couple would...
> 
> Zen: Maybe if you planned to meet up offline I'd understand it better.
> 
>  [Yoosung angry emote]
> 
> Yoosung★:  Of course it counts!
> 
> Yoosung★: I've seen with my own eyes guild mates that found love together
> 
> Yoosung★: of course there's girls that take advantage of all the guys who want to be with them too...
> 
> Yoosung★: But you can find real love in LOLOL!
> 
> Yoosung★: Even though I personally haven't had luck

Saeran can't help himself. Yoosung has basically invited him to comment.

> Saeran: tfw no gf
> 
> Zen: omg
> 
> [Yoosung crying emote]
> 
> [Yoosung crying emote]
> 
> [Yoosung crying emote]

Saeran ignores Yoosung's misery, typing out another response.

> Saeran: Besides, Jaehee and MC started out online
> 
> Zen: Oh!
> 
> Zen: Now that you mention it, you have a point
> 
> Zen: though they only began as friends, right?
> 
> Yoosung★: Zen...
> 
> Yoosung★: quit acting like an expert lol
> 
> Yoosung★: it took you forever to realise they were dating

Hah. Yoosung has some serious comebacks of his own when he isn't leaving himself wide open. His comment sets off some friendly bickering than Saeran is happy to watch, until Saeyoung logs back in.

**Saeyoung**

The call ends with V continuing to caution him, but also wishing him happiness.

Saeyoung's not sure how he feels about any of it. He's half-tempted not to go back to the messenger, but Saeran's still there, so...

...he wants to know what’s being said.

> [707 depressed emote]
> 
> 707: i'm back >_<
> 
> 707: V really laid into me lol
> 
> [707 sigh emote]
> 
> 707: u'd think he'd be happy
> 
> Zen: He must be worried.
> 
> Zen: how would u even flirt online lol
> 
> Zen: I don't understand it
> 
> Yoosung★:  A monk blew a kiss at me in LOLOL once
> 
> 707: lololol
> 
> 707: Yoosung lol
> 
> 707: can't believe u made it all the way to 0.5th base online
> 
> Zen: lmao
> 
> Zen: Not even first base.
> 
> Zen: Half a base.
> 
> Zen: And that's probably being overly generous lololol
> 
> [Yoosung crying emote]
> 
> Yoosung★:  but,
> 
> Yoosung★:  Zen has a point too!!
> 
> Yoosung★:  You can't get to any bases either Seven!
> 
> 707: How crude;;
> 
> 707: is that all u want ur gf for;;
> 
> 707: lunch
> 
> 707: and going to bases?
> 
> [707 depressed emote]
> 
> 707: the only base I need to visit
> 
> 707: is the moon base lolol
> 
> [707 cheering emote]
> 
> Yoosung★: we don't have a moon base;;;

**Saeran**

The moment Saeyoung logs back in, Saeran receives a text from V. He swipes it aside, not needing to see what it says - no doubt something along the lines of looking out for Seven and a vague yet pointed question asking if Saeran knows anything about this new lover.

Sometimes, V was too perceptive for Saeran's liking. It was better to avoid involving him at all.

Back in chat, Saeyoung seems to be having fun. Obviously relieving stress and bragging at the same time:

> 707: the moon base
> 
> 707: is when you take the love of your life
> 
> 707: out to see the moon

It's utterly ridiculous, and only leaves Saeran feeling confused. Thankfully, he's not the only one.

> Zen: what's that supposed to mean?
> 
> Zen: and love of your life?
> 
> Zen: isn't that a little fast?
> 
> Saeran: I only just learned about it last night
> 
> [Yoosung shock emote]

(He's just exaggerating.) Saeran thinks to himself. But he still feels warm inside, seeing Saeyoung be so enthusiastic about him... _them_.

**Saeyoung**

> 707: lolol
> 
> 707: i wouldn't just share the moon and the stars with everyone lol
> 
> 707: of course the love of your life lol
> 
> 707: i'm not cheap T_T
> 
> 707: don't offer me $50 to stare at the sun with u
> 
> 707: I won't accept it!!!
> 
> [707 glasses flash emote]
> 
> 707: Even $5000!!
> 
> Zen: Are you in a bidding war against yourself rn lmao
> 
> Zen: I’m not offering you money to do that
> 
> Zen: Don’t stare at the sun with anyone;;;
> 
> Zen: You’ll burn your eyes;;;
> 
> Yoosung★: I think you can with special glasses?
> 
> Yoosung★: The astronomy club at my university has done that ^^
> 
> [Yoosung smile emote]
> 
> 707: Yoosung,
> 
> 707: I’m glad u used protection lolol
> 
> Yoosung★: OMG
> 
> Zen: LMAO
> 
> Yoosung★:  ;;;;;;;;;;;;
> 
> Yoosung★:  …but… that’s true though…
> 
> Yoosung★: there are things… you can do online
> 
> Zen: What, with… the moon base?;;
> 
> Yoosung★:  NO!;;;;;
> 
> Yoosung★:  I mean… what Jumin said
> 
> Yoosung★: You know…
> 
> 707: omg Yoosung
> 
> 707: don’t tell me, u’ve…
> 
> [Yoosung shock emote]
> 
> Yoosung★: No way!;;; But my friend…
> 
> Zen: what are you two talking about
> 
> Zen: what did Jumin say;;;
> 
> Zen: I’m sure it can’t be good;;;
> 
> Yoosung★: you don’t know about it? ^^
> 
> Yoosung★: Suddenly I feel much more mature ^^
> 
> [Yoosung smug emote]
> 
> 707: Zen is too innocent and pure after all~
> 
> Zen: WHAT??;;;
> 
> Zen: Is there really something you can do online?;;;
> 
> Yoosung★: I’m too nervous to type it;;
> 
> 707: he means cybering lol
> 
> Yoosung★:  y…yeah;;
> 
> [Yoosung blush emote]
> 
> Zen: Oh, right, that guy did say something about that.
> 
> Zen: What is it?
> 
> [707 sigh emote]
> 
> 707: Zen, we’re not your noogle
> 
> 707: go noogle it yourself
> 
> [Zen has left the chatroom]
> 
> Yoosung★: omg is he really going to
> 
> [Zen has entered the chatroom]
> 
> Zen: omg
> 
> Zen: are you going to
> 
> Zen: do that;;;
> 
> [707 shock emote]
> 
> 707: zen;;;
> 
> Yoosung★:  zen;;;
> 
> Zen: …
> 
> Zen: you’re right;
> 
> Zen: That’s not for me to know
> 
> Zen: Also, I actually don’t want to know;;;

**Saeran**

So caught up in Saeyoung describing how he wouldn't share the stars with anyone, when last night he'd been taken to the park with him, Saeran doesn't follow the conversation. Preoccupied with his twin's idea of romance, and how it perfectly matches their brotherly bond. (Does he realise what he’s saying? Could it be he likes me too...?)

 _Technically_ Saeyoung does already, but falling for an online persona isn't the same as falling for your brother.

This is why Saeran has a complex.

Catching up with the chat only makes it worse.

(Ah... that's...)

> Saeran: I think
> 
> Saeran: I should go;;

It's dangerous to stay in this chat any longer if this was the subject matter. His fingers are already shaking as he types, overwhelmed by the idea of Saeyoung already thinking of... that.

It's so unreal that Saeran completely forgot to factor it in to his plans.

> Yoosung★: oops;;
> 
> Yoosung★:  sorry Saeran!
> 
> Yoosung★:  of course this must be awkward for you
> 
> [Zen sigh emote]
> 
> Zen: no duh
> 
> Zen: man... can't imagine how you feel right now...
> 
> Zen: though isn't this the perfect time
> 
> Zen: for you also to find a special someone?
> 
> Yoosung: huh???
> 
> Zen: hear me out
> 
> Zen: Seven's obviously gone gaga
> 
> Zen: But he's still your brother
> 
> Zen: I bet he's worried about leaving you behind...
> 
> Zen: and you probably feel left out too, right?

Zen's nailing it. Uncomfortably so.

Is it because he's also experienced being estranged from his brother, that he can relate?

The fact that Saeyoung's silent must mean he's aware of it too.

> Zen: so why not get out there and try finding a special someone of your own?
> 
> [Zen smile emote]
> 
> 707: Zen...

Whatever Saeyoung's about to reply with, Saeran doesn't want to know. Quickly he types out his own response.

> Saeran: I don't think so.
> 
> Saeran: It's a nice thought
> 
> Saeran: But the fact is...
> 
> Saeran: I'm not the sort of person who can be in a relationship with someone.

It's almost exactly what he told Saeyoung last night, but Saeran's getting confident. His brother hadn't clued on to who Meta is yet. He's sure he can get away with it.

If anything, it can be passed off as a coincidence.

> Yoosung★:  Saeran...
> 
> [Yoosung cry emote]
> 
> Yoosung★: It's okay!
> 
> Yoosung★: We can be comrades as forever alones!!
> 
> Zen: Oi
> 
> Zen: Don't count people in with you as you please
> 
> Zen: Saeran, you just need to meet the right person!
> 
> Zen: Trust me
> 
> [Zen smile emote]
> 
> Yoosung★: Says the other forever alone in this chatroom...
> 
> [Zen angry emote!!!]

**Saeyoung**

(Saeran...)

(Not... being able to have a relationship?)

The thought makes Saeyoung hurt in... more than one way.

The thought of his brother not being able to fall in love... hurts.

The thought of his brother falling in love with someone else... hurts.

(Wait, someone...else?)

(I mean...)

He watches Yoosung and Zen bicker, mind drifting a little.

Saeran sounded a lot like Meta, when he said things like that.

(Are Meta and Saeran... that similar?)

(Is that why it was so easy to grow attached?)

 (I mean... it makes sense... that I'd have some kind of... type?)

But, saying Saeran is his 'type' is a little...

A little awkward.

He’ll keep that particular observation to himself.

> 707: Saeran's happiness
> 
> 707: is more important to me than anything
> 
> 707: so, I...
> 
> Zen: You got serious fast.
> 
> Yoosung★: Well, it's Saeran ^^
> 
> 707: yeah
> 
> Zen: sorry;;
> 
> Zen: I brought it up, because I'm worried too.
> 
> Zen: What about I post a selfie to clear the air
> 
> Zen: and we can move on from Seven's gf
> 
> Zen: or maybe its his 80 year old bf
> 
> Zen: he doesn't even know;;
> 
> [Yoosung shock emote]
> 
> Yoosung★:  I've met someone in their 40s on LOLOL
> 
> Yoosung★: but, in their 80s?!
> 
> 707: oh, a silver fox lol
> 
> Zen: and he's back to joking;;
> 
> 707: I'm not joking lol
> 
> Yoosung★:  uh;;
> 
> 707: I don't care who they are lol
> 
> 707: and ur one to judge lol
> 
> 707: u brought up cybering
> 
> 707: when my pure innocent self
> 
> 707: was only speaking of the moon
> 
> Zen: Seven... pure...
> 
> Yoosung★:  if anything, I'm the pure one ^^
> 
> Zen: Aren't you that guy,
> 
> Zen: who brought up cybering lmao
> 
> Yoosung: THAT WAS JUMIN
> 
> Zen: Ugh;;
> 
> Zen: more old crusty men;;
> 
> Yoosung★:  u wouldn't really date an 80yo tho right;;
> 
> 707: I already said,
> 
> 707: it doesn't matter who it is!
> 
> [707 depressed emote]
> 
> 707: what's important is ur compatibility
> 
> 707: and ur feelings,
> 
> 707: maybe u 2 wouldn't be single,
> 
> 707: if u had a broader mind
> 
> 707: open to the best person for u
> 
> 707: and not what society told u is good lol
> 
> Zen: if my true love is an 80yo man
> 
> Zen: i'll stay single. lmao
> 
> Zen: although...
> 
> Yoosung★:  Although?!
> 
> Zen: it's understandable
> 
> Zen: that my beauty would have a broad appeal
> 
> [Zen wink emote]
> 
> [Yoosung cranky emote]
> 
> Yoosung★: ugh
> 
> Yoosung★: I'm going to study
> 
> Yoosung★:  and try not to think about how
> 
> Yoosung★:  I'm still on 0.5th base T_T
> 
> Zen: Seven made that up;;;
> 
> Zen: You're actually still at 0

Things wrap up shortly after that.

As Saeyoung put down his phone...

(I feel... complicated.)

(... I hope Saeran's doing okay...)

Maybe he should visit his twin and just… check in once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Saeyoung drags his twin into helping him plan a date for Star and Meta, and Meta hears some of the rumours in LOLOL about Star from Star's guild members...


	4. Three truths and a lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung is planning a first date with Meta, and winds up quizzing Saeran on a few elements he's unsure about.
> 
> Not long after, someone crashes Star and Meta's first date, and the two naturally seek vengeance...
> 
> And finally, Meta joins Star's guild... and meets the guild members.

**Saeran**

Saeran has read the same sentence four times in the last minute. It’s hard to concentrate on anything after that conversation on the RFA messenger. What with Saeyoung and the others casually discussing the idea of having cybersex with Saeran… (n-no, with Meta…).

There’s no way Saeyoung would try anything like that with Meta anytime soon, right? It didn’t seem like the kind of thing his brother would bring up so early in a relationship.

But, Saeran should probably be prepared for it… that it might happen one day…

It’s almost a relief when he hears a knock at his door. At least it breaks him out of his circular thinking. Though it’s Saeyoung asking whether he wants to go anywhere today, which… well.

The prospect of spending time with his brother is tempting. But Saeran's in no mood to be reminded of what he can't have.

"Don't you have someone else to spend time with?" he asks through the door.

It sounds more defensive than he intends.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah... if you sound like that, I'm just going to want to bust in and cuddle you until you change your mind~"

Saying it only makes Saeyoung _really_ want to do it, but, they’re still barely at the hugging stage, let alone the busting-in stage. (I don’t want to make him regret opening up to me more over the last couple weeks…)

That said, maybe he can leave the ball in Saeran’s court. “Don’t worry though, I won’t~ But, my door is always open to you! Always. You can bust in a hundred times a day, and you'll be my priority every time. So, if you change your mind, just come find me~"

A pause. "Anyway… I'll see you at dinner, if you don't do any door-busting before then."

And then his presence is gone from Saeran’s door.

Saeyoung, too, still has the last conversation in the messenger on his mind. (I’m not against trying something like that, but… it’s way, way too early…)

Rather than cybersex, Saeyoung’s thoughts drift to online dating in general. Meta _had_ asked what would really change between them now.

(…I should plan a date for us.)

So, Saeyoung navigates to the LOLOL wiki to pick out some good quests and couple-themed items.

He rarely logs onto LOLOL during the day anyway, and for all he knows Meta might still be catching up on sleep.

He'll spend a little time on this, first.

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't immediately go log in to LOLOL himself. Instead he rereads the chat log. Then reads it again.

(I'm reading into this too much.)

Saeyoung taking him stargazing meant _nothing_.

Keeping an open door meant _nothing_ too.

He doesn't _actually_ want Saeran to catch him... doing anything… right?

Saeran remembers how Saeyoung looked that day, links it to the discussion they just had...

No. Focus.

And besides. For all his twin's talk on the messenger about keeping an open mind, and not worrying about society's judgement… Saeran knows he would stop pursuing Meta, if he knew the other player was his brother.

So there's no use imagining a reality where Saeyoung would enter his room and do so much more than just cuddling. A reality where his brother would smile, close the space between them… wrap his arms around Saeran… then push him down onto the bed… murmuring sweet words as he presses his lips-

(Enough…)

That’s why Saeyoung shouldn’t come into his room. He’s not sure he can handle being only partially satisfied with his brother’s touches. It’d be too tempting to pull them both back onto the bed himself…

The only way he can indulge in this sick fantasy of his is through LOLOL.

(Who knew that paradise could be found on the internet.)

Sighing, Saeran finally discards his phone and moves to the computer. Maybe Saeyoung took his advice and has logged in to be with Meta.

...But Star isn't online.

It’s frustrating. What's keeping Saeyoung? He doubts it's work, given he asked Saeran to hang out not so long ago…

If he isn’t spending time with Saeran in real life, then why isn’t he online already?!

(In that case, perhaps I'll bust in on him after all.)

Leaving Meta on AFK, Saeran makes his way to Saeyoung's room. Listening intently so that he doesn't come across any... confronting scenes, again, before knocking on the door and peeking inside.

**Saeyoung**

So focused on his date planning, Saeyoung doesn't realise the knock at his door is real, at least, not for a few seconds.

His face breaks out into a sunny smile when he looks up to spot Saeran's tentative peek inside the room. Saeyoung pushes himself back from his desk.

"Ah, I'm so happy you're here! Wanna come in? I could use your advice – a-ah, sorry, I should listen to you first before I drag you into my business. How's it going, Saeran-ah?"

Golden eyes clear and hopeful as he looks up at Saeran from under his long eyelashes.

**Saeran**

It's a critical hit. And Saeyoung has no idea.

That's when Saeran realizes he has no excuse to be here, except that he simply wanted to be.

"Ah... I felt bad about earlier, so I thought I'd check in," he hedges.

Honestly, he isn't a great liar.

That Saeyoung's fallen for his cover online so far... How much of that has been luck, and how much of it has been Saeyoung deliberately remaining ignorant?

**Saeyoung**

That said, Saeyoung's so keen for Saeran’s lie to be the truth, his brother doesn't need to try all that hard.

And just getting to see Saeran - Saeran! - checking in! On _him_!

(I feel butterflies... Is that why they landed on him at the zoo? Kindred spirits...)

He runs a hand through his hair and tries to control the urge to spring up and open the door wide, take Saeran's hands and -

(S... silly... that's...)

He's thinking too much about dating.

Because, doing that, then pulling Saeran into him and kissing his cheek, is...

(It's not THAT unreasonable...)

But it's something of a jump from where they are now.

(Okay, it's a little unreasonable)

But who wouldn't want to do that, when Saeran looks so... like that... and says... such awkwardly kind things... with his voice...

(I'm way too hyper right now...)

"Why is it, every time I see you, you're shining brighter?" he murmurs, not expecting an answer.

He slaps lightly at his own cheeks with both hands, like he's waking himself up.

"It's okay... you don't have to worry about before. Really. But, I guess I'm kinda glad you did, given I get to see you... uh. Do you... which do _you_ think is cuter? Ribbons, or hair pins?"

**Saeran**

There's no helping the blush on Saeran's cheeks at Saeyoung's comment.

(Does he _listen_ to himself?)

But, Saeran was asked a question.

"...Ribbons, I guess?"

Hair pins make him think of Yoosung. And there was something alluring about the sheen of a ribbon.

**Saeyoung**

"Ribbons..." Saeyoung nods to himself. "Yeah, I think so too... they're pretty... and they move nicely..."

He clicks something.

"Uh... and, do you like gold more? Or silver?" He tilts his head, curious.

**Saeran**

"Why are you asking?"

It's suspicious. What exactly is his brother up to?

Moving further into the room, Saeran tries to get a glimpse of Saeyoung's screen.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung finds his cheeks colouring and isn't sure if it's because of having to explain himself or because he's just getting another burst of butterflies at having Saeran… in his room.

(This is the first time he’s come in to just spend time with me like this.)

He attempts to play it cool.

"Curious? You're curious~"

He hums happily.

"Can you guess? Can you see my hard work? I'm dedicated, right?"

There's... a lot of open browser tabs.

So many, the icons are barely visible on each one.

The one he has in focus right now is a rare item in LOLOL obtainable via a quest chain in an upcoming event...

**Saeran**

(Oh. Was he trying to surprise me with this?)

Well, not him. Meta.

Saeran feels bad for intruding. His twin was trying hard, but unknowingly spoiled his own plans.

"... Nevermind." Saeran says, already backing out of the room.

He should've been patient.

**Saeyoung**

(...maybe he really _does_ hate hearing about me dating...)

Guilt seizes Saeyoung's heart, crushing the butterflies and letting them settle limply in the pit of his stomach.

"Ah... S-Saeran, are you already-?"

(Don't go so soon. Don't go like this...)

(If it wasn't for you, I might have given up one day too early...)

He finds himself reaching out, but stops himself before he can actually grab onto his twin.

(What am I thinking?)

Saeran would hate being restrained like that, when he clearly wants to leave.

Saeyoung has been working so hard to not be overbearing with his twin. He can’t ruin it now.

(But, every day, every little bit further he allows me to go, I find myself already wanting more…)

He glances down at his hand.

The one Saeran had held at the zoo.

He wants to do it again.

And he wants to hold Saeran again, like he did at the lookout, but without the sadness, this time…

And he wants…

(...)

Thoughts. Getting weird.

Focus on Meta. Plan the date.

But the shadow of his thoughts about his brother creep across his neck, refusing to completely let him go.

Ignoring them may well become an impossible task, in the not-too-distant future.

**Saeran**

For a moment Saeran hovers, frozen in anticipation of Saeyoung's next move - one that never comes.

(It's for the best…) he tells himself.

Stepping out of the room, Saeran mutters a small "See you at dinner", before fleeing back to his own space. He'll be patient and wait online. There's plenty of mini games and quests to do while waiting for Saeyoung to log in.

**Saeyoung**

When Saeyoung does, he's only a little surprised to see Meta already there.

He'd struggled to stay offline as long as he did... it was good to know Meta was keen to see him again, too.

> > meta-meta~ sorry, did i make u wait?
> 
> > i've been planning a date for us!

He's switching items in his inventory as he talks, heading to the nearest place he can access his full stash, to do a little quick crafting.

> > also
> 
> > do u have a favourite colour?
> 
> > even if u legitimately liked that puke green u made ur armour that one time
> 
> > i wanna know
> 
> > for reasons ^^

**Saeran**

Reasons that Saeran knows very well. But online he can fake surprise - it helped having a screen disguise his expressions.

The date aspect of it _is_ a revelation though. A pleasant one.

> > Star! Hi!
> 
> > After last night, I couldn't wait to get back online...
> 
> > I'm getting a bit over-excited

Earlier he slipped up by intruding on Saeyoung's room, after all. He'd been doing so well trying to hold it all back too.

> > It's a relief you're finally online
> 
> > And a date sounds fun!
> 
> > I'm just glad to see you tho ^^

As for his favourite colour, it'll be fine to be truthful with that, right? It's a common enough answer.

> > Also, I like blue.

**Saeyoung**

> > oohhh…. blue
> 
> > like the sea... and the sky...
> 
> > a calming colour
> 
> > sometimes associated with wisdom, depth, stability, trust!
> 
> > i learned a lot about colour theory when i taught myself to design interfaces lol
> 
> > it's interesting
> 
> > thank u for answering~ <3
> 
> > i’m so happy to learn new things about u
> 
> > its hard not to ask a bunch of stuff at once
> 
> > but i'll leave it there for now
> 
> > i'll come find u!

Star heads over to Meta's location, after dyeing and equipping some blue ribbons to add as an accessory to her hair.

**Saeran**

> > you know
> 
> > we could always make it a game?
> 
> > like 3 lies and a truth!

Saeran does want to give his brother something after all. Take away some of the doubt that he may in fact be dating an 80-year-old silver fox, whatever his twin might say about that.

> > I don't want to completely lose my mystic concept though lol

It's then he spots Star, and... she looks cute. It's even cuter that Saeyoung went out of his way to make her look that way for him.

> > oh!
> 
> > I like your ribbons
> 
> > did you do that for me?

**Saeyoung**

> > u noticed right away!!
> 
> > I'm glad u like them!
> 
> > ^^

Star blows a kiss.

> > three lies and a truth, huh?
> 
> > that sounds like fun!
> 
> > u can keep as much mystery as u need
> 
> > but I'd love to hear more about u
> 
> > and also just hear ur creative lies lolol

**Saeran**

Meta's blush emote is mirrored by Saeran's in real life.

(Was that hitting 0.5th base?)

> > if you keep that up
> 
> > who knows what I'll do

Die, probably.

They're not exactly in the safest area right now. While waiting for Saeyoung, Saeran had started questing in a PVP area. Any distraction could be deadly, should another player decide to attack.

All that said: Saeran doesn't care. He's so happy he might as well have died and gone to heaven already.

> > the colour theory is interesting too
> 
> > I feel calm just looking at you ^^
> 
> > Anyway... did u wanna play as we quest?

Oh, wait. It seemed that Saeyoung has some ideas for dates. That's fine, he's equally happy to change directions.

> > Or did u have something else in mind?

**Saeyoung**

‘Who knows what I’ll do’? Saeyoung’s lip quirks upwards into a smirk. If Meta keeps saying things like that, Saeyoung won’t be able to hold back from provoking them further.

Still. He doesn’t want to rush things, even though just being in the same area as Meta is making him tap his feet against the floor in excitement.

> > I did find a few good date quests lol
> 
> > in that we could have some matching items across our characters’ classes
> 
> > a couple new emotes that might be fun
> 
> > a couple scenic instances
> 
> > where I could take a screenshot with u lol
> 
> > tho im happy just to be with u no matter what we’re doing
> 
> > why don’t we finish the quest ur on now
> 
> > then pick one of those?

Star strikes a thoughtful pose, then follows it with an excited fist-pump.

> > I love how u always think of ways
> 
> > to play within the game
> 
> > wanna start with your facts?
> 
> > or shall I?

Saeyoung auto-follows Meta, so that they can keep questing in between responses.

**Saeran**

> > You're really diving into this couple thing.
> 
> > It's okay to take it slow!
> 
> > I don't want you to feel like you have to rush it.

Saeran isn't certain his heart can take it. He wasn't expecting Saeyoung to have fallen so hard and so fast to begin with. If anything, he anticipated some resistance purely because of Saeyoung's own baggage.

(Is it because it's online-only, after all?)

Much like the anonymous aspect makes Saeran feel safe, maybe it helps Saeyoung, too.

> > Well, I'll be happy to do whatever quest has caught your attention after this
> 
> > Right now I'm just collecting items off monsters to trade in for tokens to get a unique mount!

Ever since the zoo, Saeran's had a better idea of what he'd like to go for in game. It's a good place to start the guessing game, too.

> > Why don't you try guessing which is correct?
> 
> > A tiger, a wyvern, a wolf, or an elephant. Which mount do you think I'm going for?

**Saeyoung**

> > haha
> 
> > is it too fast?
> 
> > i don't know what's normal;;;
> 
> > sorry if it's too much!

Saeyoung wants to be certain Meta doesn’t regret giving this relationship a chance. So, he wants to do his best to impress them... (Maybe I'm coming on too strong? It's just... so exciting to get to do all this...)

Plus, romance here will help him forget about how when Saeran had come into his room, he’d wanted to -

(Don’t think about it). He forces himself to breathe deeply even though his heartrate suddenly skyrockets at the memory. (It was just a weird impulse... I'd been thinking about romance... so I just got a little confused momentarily...)

After all, a lot of people find themselves imagining jumping off a cliff, when standing at the edge. It’s a natural human compulsion, to think about doing things you absolutely wouldn’t.

(Focus on Meta…)

> > i feel like u gave me a riddle
> 
> > what walks on four legs in the morning, two during the day and three in the evening?
> 
> > someone who keeps changing their mount lol
> 
> > don't laugh pls
> 
> > that was definitely
> 
> > unfunny
> 
> > orz
> 
> > as for your mount...
> 
> > if i close my eyes and think of u
> 
> > and the peacefulness and wisdom of blue...
> 
> > could it be...?

It feels right. Or… is it just his thoughts of Saeran interfering with his thoughts of Meta?

It isn't... a good idea to get those two confused.

But, still...

> > an elephant...?

**Saeran**

Saeran wasn't expecting Saeyoung to get that one at all, though his reasoning seems sound. Meta claps in delight at Star's answer.

> > Congrats!
> 
> > You worked it out from my favourite colour?
> 
> > I'm impressed.
> 
> > Your joke was less than impressive earlier tho lol

**Saeyoung**

> > oh
> 
> > your clapping emote is so cute
> 
> > i'll have to try and continue to succeed

Star curtsies, and Saeyoung admires how the new ribbons in her hair move as she does so. Now that's attention to detail. Have they coded ribbon-specific physics into the game?

LOLOL did have quite a lot of focus on style as much as gameplay...

> > then
> 
> > it's my turn
> 
> > hmmmm
> 
> > this will be unfair on u, but it'll be fun all the same
> 
> > i'm going to tell u 3 truths and 1 lie!
> 
> > the inverse!
> 
> > can u spot the lie?
> 
> > ahem
> 
> > 1\. My favourite planet is Mercury!
> 
> > 2\. My favourite colour is yellow!
> 
> > 3\. My favourite drink is peach tea!
> 
> > 4\. My favourite memory involved fireworks!
> 
> > sorry
> 
> > those are all believable right?
> 
> > i'll try to think of a better set for my next one

**Saeran**

Of course, Saeran knows the answer. How could he not when he knows his brother so intimately?

The question is, should he be correct?

> > It's okay! That's a creative twist
> 
> > I feel a little spoiled though
> 
> > You're telling me so much about yourself!
> 
> > Let's see...
> 
> > Is it... your favourite colour?

That one can be easy to mistake. Star hasn't exactly been dressed up in yellow much, after all.

**Saeyoung**

> > hehe
> 
> > bzzzt
> 
> > I like peach tea, but it's not my favourite
> 
> > oh, maybe we should have had rewards and penalties for this game
> 
> > only
> 
> > so long as ur here with me,
> 
> > i can't imagine how any penalty could sting
> 
> > ah,
> 
> > maybe u don't like hearing that
> 
> > i mean it
> 
> > but we were just talking about being too intense lol;;

**Saeran**

It's intense, but so sweet to hear. Every part of Saeran aches. They're the kind of sweet nothings he craves.

(This game is in danger of ruining my sleep schedule.)

There's a very real possibility Saeran will stay up all night, if only to catch Saeyoung on.

> > The problem isn't the intensity!
> 
> > I like it a lot
> 
> > I'm just nervous becuz I've never liked someone this much before.
> 
> > Ah
> 
> > That's one thing about me.
> 
> > I get anxious easily...
> 
> > But you probably already guessed as much, right?

It wouldn't be fair to give Saeyoung obvious truths gleaned from merely knowing Meta. He wants to give his twin something more substantial. So they can really connect.

(As long as it isn't anything that'd outright identify me.)

> > this time I'll do three truths too
> 
> > let's see...

This is difficult. He's coming up blank.

Maybe it's better to stick to basics that leave one asking more?

> > Uhmmm
> 
> > I get sick easily
> 
> > I've encountered a bear
> 
> > I have a tattoo
> 
> > I completed school

**Saeyoung**

Meta with a tattoo?

He can kind of imagine it, honestly. Not that it's particularly rare. Though what would they get?

Something with a deep meaning to it, he's sure. That seems like Meta's style.

> > ill try to not make u anxious
> 
> > if i do, just let me know and ill stop...

Anxious people _do_ tend to get sick more. Like Saeran.

The image of looking after Saeran while sick bleeds into his thoughts... As a child, he’d clung to Saeyoung, miserable, coughing up phlegm and burying his face in his chest. Which, would have been gross if it was anyone else, but it was _Saeran_ , so the only thing it ever made Saeyoung feel was even more protective… more caring…

Briefly, he entertains a thought of his brother doing the same thing as an adult. Clinging to Saeyoung like he used to, and…

(F... focus...)

Saeyoung bites his lip.

Really it came down to the bear or school. Meta was quite intelligent, and while that doesn't necessarily require completing school normally (Saeyoung was certainly evidence of that) it seemed unlikely...

> > bear
> 
> > or school
> 
> > hmmm
> 
> > those are my picks for most likely
> 
> > I think I'll go with  bear?
> 
> > zoos shouldn't count tho, just saying
> 
> > it's hard to imagine u as a dropout
> 
> > when ur so...

He thinks of Saeran, again. He can't help himself.

> > not that school is the only place u can become well-educated...
> 
> > but i'll stick with the bear...

**Saeran**

Meta slumps in disappointment.

> > So close!
> 
> > It was school
> 
> > I never got to complete formal education
> 
> > And I saw the bear in the wilderness haha

Mint Eye _was_ deep within the mountains. Saeran's happy his brother thinks he's smart enough to have a full education, though. Now how to bring all these facts together in a way which isn't too familiar, but still honest?

> > There was a time where people though I was a delinquent

What with the tattoo, the fashion sense, the hair... it was an image cultivated to intimidate.

> > And with school...
> 
> > I didn't really have a choice
> 
> > I was pulled into the wrong world

**Saeyoung**

> > oh...
> 
> > Meta...

Another...familiar story.

No wonder they'd been drawn together.

They'd both experienced being blown about in the wind of fate regardless of their own desires...

Though... Saeyoung certainly had made choices himself that still haunted him, too.

He can't _just_ blame fate.

> > I'm so glad that... you seem to not be in that world any more...
> 
> > unless that's one of the reasons why u need to keep ur mystery

Remembering his own life with the Agency...

> > please never tell me anything that could put urself in danger...
> 
> > i want u to be safe...
> 
> > and...
> 
> > if bad guys ever follow u
> 
> > or threaten u
> 
> > i can help
> 
> > i mean it
> 
> > so pls don't hesitate to come to me

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's confident in his skills. Rightly so, but Meta doesn't know that. And Saeran's been so desperate for his help so much before, that he can't help but type out a retort to the offer.

> > Star...
> 
> > It's not that simple.
> 
> > You should be careful of being so open to internet strangers too.
> 
> > What if I am the bad guy?

**Saeyoung**

> > impossible
> 
> > i've sensed from the start
> 
> > what your heart looks like
> 
> > call it intuition based on many years of doing it for a living lol
> 
> > i've only been fooled a few times
> 
> > and i learned very well from them
> 
> > or are u here to teach me a lesson, too~

Saeyoung rubs his nose, re-reading the conversation.

> > ...although...
> 
> > if im being honest with u
> 
> > i have let my guard down around u much faster than with anyone else ive met
> 
> > why is that?
> 
> > what is is about u?
> 
> > that makes me want to do that?
> 
> > why do i trust u so easily Meta?
> 
> > its like my heart
> 
> > recognised urs
> 
> > is that normal?
> 
> > i've never felt like this for anyone before
> 
> > do compatible people have a switch that flips?
> 
> > do they have some secret code that runs in the back of their heads?
> 
> > when they come in contact with the right person?

Another pause.

> > honestly
> 
> > i should be scared
> 
> > at how much i'm letting my heart rule me lately haha
> 
> > but i don't want to stop
> 
> > it keeps on bringing me such good results
> 
> > whereas my head
> 
> > is only good at getting me out of trouble
> 
> > usually after it got me into it...

**Saeran**

It's good to see Saeyoung examine himself. Realize exactly what position he's in. It makes Saeran feel less like he's taking advantage of his brother.

> > I don't have a good answer for you...
> 
> > only that if listening to your heart brings you true happiness
> 
> > I hope you follow it more

At that, Saeran has Meta perform a 'heart' emote. It feels appropriate, and the right level of flirty,

> > sorry to make u doubt yourself a little
> 
> > this is all so new...
> 
> > I want to make sure you're really okay with it!

As much as he can, anyway. Saeran's warned Saeyoung off as best he could... funny, when Saeyoung had tried the same tactics with him when he first confessed.

Then there's the fact that Saeyoung feels so strongly, and trusts him so easily too... purely due to his instincts...his heart…

It affects Saeran deeply.

> > Thank you...
> 
> > Not just for saying that
> 
> > But for trusting me
> 
> > With all your heart.
> 
> > I'll be careful not to break it.

**Saeyoung**

Star blushes, one knee forward, clasping her hands to her chest, a bright glow coming from her cheeks.

> > I trust u
> 
> > its ridiculous that I do
> 
> > but I do
> 
> > so please treat me kindly lol

Then...

> > I hope
> 
> > this means
> 
> > continuing to follow my heart irl will work out too
> 
> > it's... actually much easier to do it here
> 
> > the place where I should suspect everyone lol
> 
> > but I have to be careful
> 
> > bc just like here
> 
> > it's hard to stop myself from being too intense... I think

Reaching out for Saeran...

The urge had been so strong.

**Saeran**

> > I understand.
> 
> > I've had to teach myself a lot of self-control too.

Incestuous impulses aside, Saeran had other urges to keep on top of. Largely violent or destructive, though there were things he's been tempted to do just for pleasure too. Being twins, hearing that Saeyoung struggled with impulse control too was unsurprising. Anyone could tell if they got to know him well enough though.

Saeran's about to change the subject, suggest they go back to their game, when they're interrupted - but not by a monster. No, this was more dangerous.

Another player.

A high-level one, too.

For whatever reason, they've chosen to attack, and since he was so busy typing, Saeran's too late to dodge an extremely powerful attack. And worse, the damage is critical – Meta falls to the ground, dead.

**Saeyoung**

"Gah!" Saeyoung squeaks out loud.

He should have been expecting it, he wasn't even typing, so he should have been paying more attention, but he'd been so focused on Meta...

He switches out of private chat.

> > GET BACK HERE U

Because rather than stick around to deal with Star - who, forewarned, might have been a problem - the player's quickly looted five tokens that dropped instantly after the critical hit, and made a run for it.

Star's not suited to instantaneous combat - spells have a charge time, and the further the target, the weaker the damage, even though her chance to hit was still the same.

Star manages to damage the attacking player with a couple spells, but the other gets out of range much faster than Star can pursue on her own while spellcasting.

Going for Meta first had been the right move, both as the lower level player _and_ as the one who would have been able to more easily pursue afterwards.

Saeyoung switches back to party chat.

> > omg Meta
> 
> > im so sorry
> 
> > here i was saying id protect u from bad guys
> 
> > and i totally missed that one
> 
> > but don't worry
> 
> > he's going down
> 
> > I'll rez u, got a few potions with me

They'll be able to pursue much faster if they don't need to return to the respawn point.

> > no way they're getting away with that
> 
> > never

**Saeran**

It isn't a big deal to Saeran. He knew where they were and the risks of being distracted. But it's cute to see Star get so worked up for his sake.

> > Really? You'd do that?
> 
> > How kind!

This part of LOLOL really did feel like role playing, acting out more what Meta would say than his own automatic reaction.

Just as he types his appreciation, Star offers a resurrection. He accepts it immediately, and Meta's easily revived.

> > So...
> 
> > We're going to get vengeance together?
> 
> > Sounds like a great date lol

**Saeyoung**

Star claps her hands together.

> > how romantic
> 
> > my heart's pounding~
> 
> > let's GET EM

They spend a good part of the next hour tracking down and stalking their prey. Working out the ideal time to pounce for maximum reward and maximum inconvenience to the third party who so dared to interrupt their time together.

Though, Saeyoung acts irate, but really... this is perfect.

It's... all the thrill of a mission with none of the filthy aftertaste in your mouth.

And besides, both their souls are free from sin here; the other guy started it.

Finally, they spring their trap (in Meta's case, very literally).

And then Star shouts out her battle cry:

> > O HAI

It's on.

**Saeran**

All things considered, vengeance is swift. The battle is over so quickly that Saeran almost feels cheated, if part of the fun wasn't the set-up.

He happily goes to recollect his tokens and more, enough to finally get that new mount.

> > That was anticlimactic
> 
> > but good news!
> 
> > I've got enough for the elephant now
> 
> > Want to get outta here?

Better to warp to a safe area now rather than later, when another player might try their luck against them.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung can't help but tease, hitting the blush emote again.

> > Oh, Meta, now who's being forward~
> 
> > Wherever are you planning on taking me?
> 
> > ...
> 
> > j/k j/k
> 
> > let's go get u that elephant~

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't dignify that with a response,  casting the teleport spell - which offers Star a ride too as a party member.

Which reminds him...

> > Oh btw
> 
> > we made a pretty good team back there
> 
> > And since we're dating now
> 
> > I thought... it's time that I join your guild

**Saeyoung**

> > aahhhh!!!
> 
> > IT'S ABOUT TIME META
> 
> > now we'll get an XP bonus playing together!! along with the skill buffs
> 
> > u won't regret it!
> 
> > if u right-click me u can submit an application right now!
> 
> > I can upgrade u myself lol
> 
> > I can show u our guild hall too
> 
> > if u wanna see
> 
> > our guild chat's pretty quiet, but that's how i like it!
> 
> > it's good when u need a big group!
> 
> > and laid back otherwise!

Saeyoung leans back, re-reading a few messages back.

"And since we're dating now"

 They were... they really were!

In some ways, Meta's comment last night rang true. What did it really change?

Really... they were still going to play together in much the same way...

...they couldn't kiss, or touch... but.

No. There were differences. Things felt different. There were things he could have joked about before that now would feel... much more intense. And intentional.

And things Meta could have said before that would make him laugh, but now... might well elicit a variety of emotions.

And it was a recognition of their strong bond, uniting them against any who might shank them.

Meta spends quite a bit of time customising their elephant, cashing in additional tokens for all kinds of perks.

To fill in time, Star sits nearby, improving her goldsmithing, combining rare items and rarer stones and listing items for auction. It was a skill that took a lot of initial investment, but Star had been making it pay off for some time now. Never really in need of gold, at this point.

When Meta finally finishes customising their mount...

> > oh
> 
> > i could send a quick intro to the other members too on guild chat
> 
> > just so they know who u r!

Saeyoung switches over to broadcast over their guild chat channel, to introduce Meta accordingly.

> SevenStar > hey guys
> 
> SevenStar > meet MetaEnigma
> 
> SevenStar > i already bumped them from probation to full lol
> 
> SevenStar > we're dating
> 
> SevenStar > so be nice to them
> 
> SevenStar > or i'll kya lol
> 
> SevenStar > they're a Machinist but still getting up to raid lvl
> 
> SevenStar > getting there
> 
> SevenStar > also they're adorable
> 
> SevenStar > and mine
> 
> SevenStar > so no proposing lol
> 
> SevenStar > looking at u Anonlymouse
> 
> BoomNoggin > lol
> 
> BoomNoggin > welcome lol
> 
> Tenyaaa > hi
> 
> Grazzy_> welc
> 
> Anonlymouse > wat
> 
> Anonlymouse > that was one time
> 
> Elspeth > welcome MetaEnigma
> 
> Anonlymouse > they're gonna think im a player lol
> 
> Grazzy_> technically u are
> 
> BoomNoggin > were all players lol
> 
> BoomNoggin > it game
> 
> MiniMart_egg > omg
> 
> MiniMart_egg > can't believe star got a bf
> 
> MiniMart_egg > y can't i meet someone online
> 
> Anonlymouse > dont wanna date u but ill online marry u if u want the cheevo
> 
> MiniMart_egg > IT'S NOT ABOUT THE ACHIEVEMENT
> 
> Grazzy_ > star invite us to the wedding if u do one
> 
> MiniMart_egg > o ya
> 
> MiniMart_egg > hi MetaEnigma
> 
> MiniMart_egg > if u guys do get hitched i have all the recipes for wedding stuff
> 
> MiniMart_egg > i'll give discount
> 
> SevenStar > wow
> 
> SevenStar > u guys r gonna scare meta-meta off
> 
> BoomNoggin > omg meta-meta
> 
> MiniMart_egg > cute
> 
> Elspeth > that barely saves you any characters
> 
> SevenStar > it's not about efficiency T_T
> 
> Anonlymouse > what about 'Enigs'
> 
> MiniMart_egg > no
> 
> BoomNoggin > lol no
> 
> Grazzy_ > no
> 
> SevenStar > no x 4

**Saeran**

> MetaEngima > no x5

Wait, what is all that about getting married though? Was there such a mechanic? Even if it was, talking about marriage already?;;;

> MetaEnigma > this is the first time I'm hearing about a wedding;;;
> 
> MetaEnigma > anyway
> 
> MetaEnigma > nice to meet u all ^^
> 
> MetaEnigma >  Star is gonna show me the guildhall if you wanna meet up

It's only fair to talk, if he's going to be a guild member. Saeran would prefer to spend time with Star but... that's the nature of MMOs.

**Saeyoung**

> MiniMart_egg > ooooh im near there now
> 
> Grazzy_ > shame ardent isn't on
> 
> Tenyaaa > srry im busy but have fun
> 
> Anonlymouse > lol ill come
> 
> BoomNoggin > yah weddings r a thing on here they're real fun
> 
> MiniMart_egg > they're so cute
> 
> BoomNoggin > u even get emotes
> 
> SevenStar > ;;;
> 
> SevenStar > we only just started dating, pls
> 
> SevenStar > dont weird out meta lol
> 
> Grazzy_ > not like it's legal lol
> 
> Anonlymouse > it's just for fun lmao
> 
> MyB4llsRUpHere > oh welcome sorry only just saw hi tho
> 
> Elspeth > hi miyoung
> 
> MyB4llsRUpHere > hi mwah mwah <3

The chatter continues, Star privately adding

> > srry it can get like this
> 
> > lots of quiet then occasionally BOOM haha

**Saeran**

The chatter reminds Saeran of the RFA, so he doesn't mind.

> > It's ok!
> 
> > They're excited haha
> 
> > Don't worry about me
> 
> > I just get lost in big chats

Thus why he's comparatively quiet, now and in the messenger when there's multiple people on. Never knowing when to respond.

**Saeyoung**

> > okay~ <3
> 
> > if u ever get too lost
> 
> > just come run into my arms~

Reaching the guild hall, a couple familiar names are already there

> MiniMart_egg > oh u 2 look cute
> 
> Anonlymouse > ok meta can u confirm
> 
> Anonlymouse > Star's RL name is Gwendolyn Vonderheim
> 
> Grazzy_ > lol obv not
> 
> Anonlymouse > well ofc but i just wanna confirm ok
> 
> MiniMart_egg > so ur ship name is MetaStar imo
> 
> MiniMart > StarMeta doesn't roll off the tongue

A couple more people show up, some introducing themselves, some just emoting, some doing their own thing. There's definitely some memeing happening in the guild hall decorations, some more obvious than others. For example, the statue of an angry cat next to a bowl of bananas.

**Saeran**

It's exactly the kind of guild Saeran expected his brother to be interested in. He's curious to see how his twin has set-up his private room though, but... that might be a bit much to ask at a guild get together.

For now, he'll roll with it.

> MetaEnigma > I know it's difficult to believe
> 
> MetaEnigma > but her name is actually Gwendolyn Vonderheim

It's exactly the kind of harmless prank Saeran enjoys, so he sees no harm in confirming Star's supposed identity. In fact, he's interested in what else Saeyoung has told his guild.

> MetaEnigma > Why? What makes you think it isn't?

**Saeyoung**

> Grazzy_ > omg lol
> 
> Grazzy_ > no way. Meta's just in on it lol
> 
> Anonlymouse > I noogled her before but nothing
> 
> Tenyaaa > u guys r making me want to be there unfair
> 
> MiniMart_egg > Star is foreign tho
> 
> MiniMart_egg > so its believable
> 
> MiniMart_egg > there was that time
> 
> MiniMart_egg > with that Russian guild...
> 
> MyB4llsRUpHere > oh geeze
> 
> MyB4llsRUpHere > yeah it was a good thing u were on Star
> 
> Grazzy_ > I already forgot about that lol
> 
> Grazzy_ > was that Star lol
> 
> Grazzy_ > thought it was Tom
> 
> BoomNoggin > nah it was Star
> 
> BoomNoggin > is ur first language korean or russian Star
> 
> Elspeth > Gwendolyn isn't a Russian name
> 
> SevenStar > never said I was russian lol
> 
> SevenStar > u all just assume things
> 
> MiniMart_egg > r u korean meta
> 
> MyB4llsRUpHere > I know someone at uni who speaks Russian too

**Saeran**

So they think Star is foreign? That's Saeyoung for you. Star probably has a whole cultivated backstory... one which includes a Russian guild for some reason.

It occurs to Saeran that maybe he should make a backstory up too.  If Saeyoung's done it, and isn't about to correct anyone... it's only fair that he protects his own identity by leading them all to think something else, right? As long as it isn't too out of line from what he's already given away about himself.

Besides, it's RP. That's basically the game.

> MetaEnigma > Suddenly it feels like there's a lot I don't know about Star...
> 
> MetaEnigma > I'm curious to find out more!
> 
> MetaEnigma > As for myself...

Saeran's coming up blank. Nothing feels right. He's too into this character.

This… is exactly why he never tried getting close to the RFA himself. Once things get personal, it's much harder.

(Besides, wouldn't it be weird if I suddenly told them after not telling Star, too?)

> MetaEnigma > ...well look at my name haha
> 
> MetaEnigma > I prefer to keep things a mystery

**Saeyoung**

> SevenStar > good advice for u all
> 
> SevenStar > mystery is important to a relationship~
> 
> MiniMart_egg > who died and make u relationship expert lol
> 
> Grazzy_ > Star does usually keep to herself
> 
> Grazzy_ > 75% of the time
> 
> Anonlymouse > 85% :(
> 
> Anonlymouse > lately, 88% :((
> 
> SevenStar > how u calculating that lol
> 
> BoomNoggin > well isn’t that all of us too lol
> 
> BoomNoggin > outside of raids and events and new members
> 
> BoomNoggin > birthdays
> 
> MiniMart_egg > weddings!!
> 
> BoomNoggin > yes and that lol
> 
> Grazzy_ > and trading
> 
> BoomNoggin > ok yes lol

They all continue to chatter, other members popping in and out. Despite the apparent somewhat sporadic nature of their interactions, everyone seems to get along well enough and there’s a warm feeling overall.

**Saeran**

It's nice. As a new member, Meta ends up somewhat spoiled too. The guildmates showering him with items that'll help him going forward, and others that are just nice to look at.

Honestly, he should've joined sooner.

Eventually they have to wander or log off though, for quests or for dinner. It occurs to Saeran that he should be thinking about dinner IRL too.

Quickly, he messages Star.

> > I have to head off too
> 
> > but don't worry I'll be back in an hour or two
> 
> > make sure you eat dinner as well!

Of course, Saeran will ensure that happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Saeyoung winds up much closer to his brother than he'd ever dared to think about, and certain thoughts become impossible to ignore. RIP Saeyoung.


	5. Return of the butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their online date as Meta and Star, the twins begin dinner with each other, closer than they ever have been since reuniting as adults. But the urge to reach out to Saeyoung grows too strong, so Saeran moves to isolate himself again.
> 
> But this time Saeyoung doesn't want to let it go so easily... and takes steps to close the gaps between them. But maybe, he takes it a little _too_ far...
> 
> **Heads up - while it's brief, there is a short masturbation scene towards the end of this chapter, so, mildly NSFW content here.**

**Saeyoung**

At dinnertime Saeyoung greets his twin warmly, only to be met with a smile that very nearly ends his life.

Saeyoung assumes he’s near-death, anyway, given he’s convinced he heard angelic music playing as that expression passed across his brother’s face.

He doesn’t know what could have made Saeran this unusually, casually cheerful, but it buoys him over their dinner preparations. 

(I guess he really is okay with the me dating thing after all... maybe he just needed time to get used to the idea...)

The success of Meta's introduction to the guild and their resulting warm welcome has him feeling perky, too.

They work together on chopping up the ingredients for a stew. Then of course comes the waiting period, where everything needs to simmer for half an hour or so.

Saeran offers to keep an ear on the simmering pot, retiring to the living room. Saeyoung follows him there, hoping to catch another smile like the one before… only to find things change when he sits on the couch. His twin hunches over his phone, ignoring him…

(…did I do something wrong after we cleaned up in the kitchen?)

It’s puzzling. Truly puzzling. He... wants to interact with Saeran, though. The urge to talk so strong he almost leans over to poke his brother in the shoulder. But, maybe interacting with Saeyoung that much had worn Saeran out... so…

He’ll see who’s in the messenger, instead.

Saeran, it turns out. But also Jaehee and MC.

> MC: Oh, it's Seven! Five seconds after his bro haha
> 
> MC: You two are so cute. Love when you log in together~
> 
> Jaehee: Good evening to you both. Have you eaten?
> 
> 707: we're waiting for our food to finish beaming down from space at this very moment!
> 
> 707: all the taste molecules take a while to assemble, but u can't rush it!
> 
> 707: Otherwise who knows what you'll wind up eating lololol
> 
> Jaehee: I hope you don't mean you're getting take-out. You need to look after your health.
> 
> MC: Oh, but didn't they both look so radiant the other day? Especially Saeran!
> 
> MC: Speaking of which, did you two take any photos at the zoo? I've been dying to know how your zoo date went!!

**Saeran**

"A date?" Saeran mutters, though its audible enough to be heard.

He knows what she means. It could be a completely platonic term. But Saeran's heart skips anyway.

It’s why he’s sitting so far from Saeyoung now. He’s still giddy from their real, actual date online, and getting so close to him in the kitchen…

Well. He needed a breather, or it was going to become too much to keep everything to himself.

He didn’t expect Saeyoung to follow him into the living room, when only one person needed to stick around to keep an ear out for the kitchen timer. So, what was meant to be a respite to calm his urges down was now just… pushing at his limits.

> > Saeran: It was more of an outing.

Better to keep things realistic. Danger lay in letting sentiments like that pass.

> > Saeran: I don't know what you mean by radiant either... I looked how I always do.

MC really should dial back her own flirting, though considering both she and Jaehee gushed over Zen despite being together, it may be a natural response to seeing a cute guy.

> > Saeran: Anyway
> 
> > Saeran: We did take some photos
> 
> > Saeran: but nothing special.

It was a standard trip to the zoo after all, and neither of them were Zen - ready to spam pictures at a moment’s notice.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran's outright denial of calling it a date makes Saeyoung feel… weirdly rebellious.

Compelled to push some buttons, without quite understanding why.

> 707: lololol
> 
> 707: i agree MC
> 
> 707: he's shining brighter every day!!! >_<
> 
> 707: makes it hard to take photos when he's the source of light too!! >_<!!!

But now he glances up, to peer at Saeran over on his side of the couch.

"You really _are_ been looking better than ever lately, Saeran-ah~" he confirms lightly. He might be feeling rebellious, but there's no joke in his smile. Only affection. "You looked so gorgeous in the butterfly house, I bet even Zen would have been jealous~ O-oh, but, don't worry, I'll still only keep that photo for myself...!"

He stops himself there, though really, he just wants to keep singing his brother’s praises more and more. (I’m already pushing it…)

But, why? _Why_ is he pushing it?

(I guess I kinda want to fluster him a little...?)

As to why he wants to do that, his only answer is… it’d feel good.

_Really_ good.

He glances back at his phone.

> MC: Oh, too bad!! I wanted to see what it was like…
> 
> MC: I want to go with Jaehee soon, and take photos with all her favourite animals!!

Jaehee's never seemed much like an animal person, but maybe MC knows something they don't.

**Saeran**

Seriously, does Saeyoung even know what he's saying?

Saeran turns away from his brother's sight, unable to face his twin as he says such lovely things.

It doesn't help that Saeran remembers how his brother masturbated right after their visit to the zoo. In possession of a photo of his brother, who he’d just described as ‘gorgeous’.

It makes his imagination run wild. So much so, he feels the urge to move rising, maybe to sprint out of the room, but he forces himself to be completely still instead, revealing nothing.

> > Saeran: I recommend the elephants.

He types instead, doing his best to ignore Saeyoung's ignorant flirtations.

**Saeyoung**

(Hmm, what's that?)

Something about how Saeran avoids his gaze...

It’s different feeling, to how his brother has avoided him in the past.

Those past avoidances left him sad, or guilty, or bitter... at their worst, hollow... part of him always feeling painfully empty at the implicit rejection from his twin.

This time… it actually feels a little sweet. Like the briefest taste of some faint nectar on the tip of his tongue, that he's unable to name.

He wants to taste it more.

But how?

He fights an urge to just shuffle over to Saeran’s side of the couch.

> 707: oh... the elephants...
> 
> 707: I'll admit, they have good taste
> 
> 707: much like the butterflies
> 
> 707: but Jaehee, lol
> 
> 707: do u even have a fave animal, lol
> 
> Jaehee: I do.
> 
> 707: !!!
> 
> 707: What is it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> 707: is it cats after all???
> 
> Jaehee: No. It will never be cats, Luciel.
> 
> 707: T_T
> 
> Jaehee: Penguins... and turtles...
> 
> MC: Peacocks, too! And toucans!
> 
> 707: oh, MC knows a lot! What a dedicated girlfriend!

**Saeran**

"What did you expect?" Saeran asks, knowing very well his twin can hear him.

MC and Jaehee were lovers and as close as could be. When the truth about Mint Eye had come out, Saeran still remembers how Jaehee, of all people, was convinced to temporarily re-join forces with Jumin, to assist his intelligence team. All to protect MC from what might happen if things weren’t resolved.

> Saeran: maybe compared to you

It's a little vicious of him, but Saeyoung was practically asking for it. How much did he really know about Meta? Or Saeran?

**Saeyoung**

> MC: Oh, yes, you're dating now too, Seven!
> 
> Jaehee: But you don't even know their age or gender...
> 
> Jaehee: Are you sure an online relationship is wise?
> 
> MC: Well, we started out online, too ^^
> 
> Jaehee: That's true... but, I did have confirmation from Luciel as to your identity.
> 
> Jaehee: And, we did meet in person before we...
> 
> Jaehee: Do you not intend to meet or research this person, too?

Saeyoung is barely paying attention to the chat, far more focused on the way his brother's turned away from him, but still not leaving.

Talking to him, while keeping this small physical and virtual barrier erected between them.

He wants... to tear it down...

(Ever since he started letting me in, it's like my self-control gets worse by the day.)

> 707: it just felt natural lol
> 
> 707: r u saying I should hack my lover lol
> 
> 707: What happened to mutual respect in a relationship T_T
> 
> MC: he has a point...
> 
> MC: It'd like reading your lover's texts without them knowing
> 
> Jaehee: I still can't say I approve of this just yet.
> 
> Jaehee: But I do wish you happiness, Luciel.
> 
> Jaehee: And I can't deny that sometimes your true love can be found in places you don't expect.
> 
> MC: Jaehee! (*///*)
> 
> 707: u two r so cute lolol

Saeran's still turned away. Saeyoung gives in to the urge to shuffle closer. Just a little.

"I wonder if they're in the same room chatting, too..."

(Where’s that smile you showed me when you came into the kitchen just half an hour ago... should I tickle it out of you?)

Probably only if he wants to die.

(Still might be worth it)

**Saeran**

Saeran remains steadfast. Not once turning to look back at Saeyoung.

"Probably," is all he replies, before typing out another response in the chatroom. He’d feel bad for giving Saeyoung the cold shoulder like this, but it’s the only way to keep his cool. When they were working together in the kitchen he could manage, but now…

Things just feel more intimate. Especially with this topic.

> Saeran: ...I'm glad it worked out for you two.
> 
> Saeran: but whether finding love in unexpected places is good or not
> 
> Saeran: That probably depends on the people involved.

For instance: his feelings for Saeyoung, while found unexpectedly, weren't good at all.

**Saeyoung**

> Jaehee: It's true that sometimes it can be confronting or difficult.

Before MC, Jaehee certainly had never examined her own sexuality in any depth.

> Jaehee: But I do think if you find yourself in love, you should treasure it.

MC enthusiastically compliments Jaehee on her words, but Saeyoung's focus is still on that other end of the couch.

(I mentioned Meta just before we came in here… I remember now. And now we’re talking about Meta again…)

Every time Meta comes up, Saeran seems...

Almost… it’s almost like Saeran is being a little sulky?

And why does that thought make him feel...

(...warm.)

He lets the chat play out a little more, Jaehee and MC carrying most of it with occasional interjections from his brother.

Who still isn't looking at him.

It's almost comical, how he's twisted around to look down towards his phone and the couch arm. Certainly, it doesn’t look that comfortable

"I'm worried..." Saeyoung interjects softly, closing the distance between them further. "You're going to get a shoulder cramp sitting like that..." His voice is a genuine mixture of concern and affection. "I know how to massage out shoulder knots, but it's better to avoid getting them in the first place, Saeran-ah..."

**Saeran**

The tone of Saeyoung's voice coupled with the hint sends a rush of pleasure up Saeran's back, like he can feel Saeyoung's hands on him already.

Especially when they were just discussing his relationship...

(Am I jealous of myself?)

There's no use thinking about that. All the more reason to concentrate as much as he can on the chatroom.

> Jaehee: Most of all, I think it's important to be with someone who can support you  
>  Jaehee: someone who makes you feel safe, and cared for

...Or maybe not. Now all he can think of is Saeyoung, both in the chat and out of it.

Saeran should have known better.

"What about it?" he replies to Saeyoung, not entirely thinking straight. Too many emotions demanding attention at once.

**Saeyoung**

He puts down his phone onto the coffee table.

Saeran really _is_ tense.

(Normally, I’d leave… thinking it was me making Saeran tense up like this…)

But...

(Over and over, Meta’s been telling me to be honest, to reach out… and each time, it’s worked…)

There was a time he couldn’t do things like this, but… he feels like maybe he can.

Or maybe he just _wants_ it so much he’s convinced himself that’s true, temporarily.

"Just looking at you sit like that is making _my_ shoulders ache..."

(...and my heart... and my arms... I wanna hold you like I used to...)

Saeyoung shuffles over further, till he’s right next to his twin on the couch. His leg lightly pressing against his twin’s.

Even just that small contact makes him feel so much warmer.

He wants more.

The next words come out before he's really examined them. "You’re gonna get sore like this for sure. Why not forget all about them and just focus on me...?"

His brain catches up with his mouth.

"Uhm. I mean. _I_ could focus on _you_. That is, I could massage your shoulders, or, or at least get you a heat pack... a thank you for all the work you did preparing that stew..." Which was still simmering away, pleasant smells drifting in from the kitchen, though it still had a while to go before it was done.

**Saeran**

"Oh, the stew-" Saeran seizes that subject, everything else whittling away at his psyche.

"I... I should go check on it."

Nevermind it being too early. Saeran types a quick goodbye along those same lines in the chatroom, making a hasty exit.

Speaking of which, "Weren't you talking to Jaehee and MC too?" he asks, starting to untwist himself and rise up, "At least say goodbye."

What Saeran doesn't account for is how stiff his bad posture really _has_ made him, and the awkward position they're both in once he starts to move. As soon as he tries to move off the couch, his leg tangles with his brother’s, and Saeran begins to topple over.

**Saeyoung**

If Saeran isn't intercepted, he might hit his head right against the coffee table!

Saeyoung’s reflexes and training kick in. He's scooping up his twin, one hand behind his brother’s head in an instant, re-directing the fall towards the empty space by the couch, rather than the table.

Even though the fall is over in a second or two, to Saeyoung, it feels slow... and ends with Saeyoung practically pining his twin to the floor, a knee on either side of his brother's thighs, one arm under his back and the other still cradling his head. 

"Saeran, are you okay?"

His twin seems to have squeezed his eyes shut as he fell. And they’re still shut.

Saeyoung leans closer, gently slipping his fingers out from underneath Saeran's back to stroke at his cheek.

"Please be okay..."

Golden eyes wide and fearful and _close_ , much like the rest of him.

**Saeran**

For Saeran, it all happened in an instant.

Slowly he opens his eyes, blinking a few times up at Saeyoung in utter bewilderment.

Then their position truly sinks in and he freezes, holding his breath for a long drawn-out moment as he gazes back into his brother's eyes. Saeran's expression open in a way that Saeyoung hasn't seen in a very long time, the confusion and conflict on it clear.

(So... So close.)

He doesn't want to move.

**Saeyoung**

Heart pounding, Saeyoung breathes a sigh of relief, face so close Saeran can feel the breath tickle the cheek Saeyoung isn't touching. Along with his lips.

Meanwhile, Saeyoung's lips turn up into a relieved smile.

"Saeran..." he murmurs, looking into his twin's eyes as his own relax with his smile.

(His eyelashes... they're so long... they look even more delicate than the wings of that butterfly...)

That butterfly that had stolen his twin's first kiss...

Saeyoung's lips tingle at the mental image of that delicate creature lightly landing on his brother's mouth...

Did it find something sweet there?

Saeyoung finds the fingers supporting Saeran's head tangling into his hair.

(It's so soft...)

(What's this feeling...?)

His smile turns to a thoughtful, confused expression of his own... lips parted, still thinking about that butterfly kiss.

(My heart's still beating so fast... like in the nocturnal house... I...)

His mind skates dangerously close to naming a feeling... as he leans in...

...and kisses Saeran's forehead, lightly.

"I'm sorry..." he murmurs against the skin before pulling back again. "I tripped you up, right? At least you didn't hit your head hard..."

**Saeran**

For a moment, Saeran was almost _certain_ Saeyoung was going to kiss somewhere else. Can feel it in the way his heart pounds, and his fingers shake with a need to grab his brother's face and pull him back down into a _real_ kiss.

The adrenaline is fuelling his urge to run away just as much.

"Get off."

Unable to handle any more of this stress, he expresses it in the only safe way he knows: anger.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah! Y-yeah, sorry..."

How long has he been pinning Saeran down like this?! His mind had gone totally blank... what was he even thinking...?

(I was thinking... I wanted to scoop him up... and hold him... and…)

(…kiss…)

He feels a sudden chill as he pushes himself up and off his twin, winding up sitting back on the couch again.

The air between them had felt so warm... but now it feels like he just opened the door onto winter.

(...I wanted to kiss him.)

But not on the forehead.

Now it's Saeyoung who looks away as Saeran pulls himself to his feet, guilt seizing his heart.

**Saeran**

The distance allows Saeran to breathe again, but he's not sure it's worth it. Every intake a sharp stab to the heart, his body hating their separation.

It makes him want to flip the table, or rip out the couch cushions. Move his body violently until every feeling is shaken out. Instead, Saeran forces himself to breathe and embrace the pain.

He knew this was the outcome if he let Saeyoung come close. It’s what he deserves.

Silently, he stands and adjusts his clothing.

"I'll be in the kitchen."

He needs a moment to himself. That way he won't have to look at Saeyoung and ache with all he's bottled up.

It'd give Saeyoung a chance to finish up with the messenger too.

**Saeyoung**

It takes Saeyoung a minute to realise his phone is even still logged into the messenger.

He's too busy staring at his hands as his lips tingle with the feeling of... what he almost did.

(What… am I doing…?)

He goes on one date, and then he’s already so desperate to kiss, he’ll look for one from his traumatised, recovering brother?

_That’s not what this feeling is_ , part of him whispers. _That’s not it at all._

(I need... I've been using Meta's advice as an excuse to do what I want.)

(Do I really deserve to have a relationship of any kind with anyone?)

Why is everything so twisted up?

Why has he fucked up things between himself and Saeran so, so many times, throughout their entire lives? Why -

...finally, he looks up, to see his phone, chat messages still popping up on the screen.

(A...ah. I need to get it together.)

He sees Jaehee’s messages, about feeling safe, and supportive.

While Saeran probably won't go back and read this log, still, Saeyoung finds the need to put the feeling into text, somewhere:

> 707: I want to be that safe and supportive person for him...

That’s who he is to Saeran. That’s what he _has_ to be _._ And _nothing_ else.

(Thank God I didn’t completely go braindead and kiss him for real…)

> MC: Huh? Him? I thought you didn't know the gender of the person you were dating?
> 
> Jaehee: Perhaps he means Saeran...
> 
> MC: Oh, of course... well, you seem to be doing a great job, Seven! So long as your food beams down in time!
> 
> 707: lolol
> 
> 707: thanks
> 
> 707: gonna go check the teleporter so I'll c u two later

But he doesn’t. Instead he leaves the chat, and stares at his hands again.

(He… Saeran didn’t notice, right? That I almost…?)

No way. No way! The idea is unthinkable.

Saeran was disgusted enough just at being touched so much, being pinned down like that. _Rightfully_ angry.

(It was just a weird impulse.)

One he’ll never think about again. _Never._

(You didn’t do anything. Just be normal.)

(Just go in there, and be normal.)

So, he heads to the kitchen. Like a normal person.

**Saeran**

On Saeran's end, he's busying himself with cooking. Not a difficult task seeing as it mostly required stirring the pot, except...

They're out of cream to finish it.

Today really isn't his day.

Closing the fridge door with a sigh, Saeran has to face the music: asking Saeyoung to get groceries.

Something he really doesn't want to do after what just happened.

But it's too late - he's already making eye contact with Saeyoung in the doorway before he even realizes it. It's as if his body seeks what he wants most.

**Saeyoung**

"Uhm..." Saeyoung starts, doing his best to not look away.

(Push forward! Be the man your brother can feel safe around!)

"I... I'll keep out of your way, but..."

Saeran's sigh, and coming away empty-handed from the refrigerator...

"Are we missing something?"

**Saeran**

There's a heavy pause before Saeran responds.

"The cream. We're out."

Saeran can't look at Saeyoung too long. Instead, he diverts his gaze to the stove.

(Better turn it off for now.)

It's easier to just focus on the mundane.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah... I'll go drive out to the convenience store then."

Really, they could probably both use the space. Maybe the fresh air will make Saeyoung sane again.

"We needed more toothpaste anyway... so... I'll head out..."

(Maybe I can pick up something he likes while I'm there...)

He's taken enough notes by now, obsessing over every little wrinkle of disgust or look of enjoyment his twin has had over meals since they reunited.

Most were foods they'd never been able to try as children, so Saeyoung had slowly learned his twin's preferences as an adult, instead.

He heads out into the night, head still buzzing with confusion over his own urges.

**Saeran**

The abrupt absence leaves Saeran longing and with nothing to do. There's no other busy work he can see to right now, and no point to logging onto LOLOL.

If he did, it'd probably make him feel worse anyway.

(Ugh... I feel dirty.)

If it wasn't the deception, it was the attraction he has for Saeyoung. How every gesture and touch and word made him want to do the most indecent and awful things. All unforgivable.

He doesn't need it, but Saeran decides he might as well take a shower while Saeyoung is gone.

He makes fast work of it, stripping his clothes off with far more force than necessary, neglecting to completely close the bathroom door in his haste.

As the water cascades down his body, Saeran drags fingers along his skin. As if trying to resist and restrain all the urges of his flesh. Only, his mind keeps circling back to the thought of Saeyoung's hands. The offer of his massage, the gentle way he had embraced Saeran in the fall.

The way his fingers had tangled into his hair.

How his hand cupped Saeran’s face, as Saeyoung leaned in...

Saeran can picture the kiss perfectly. Saeyoung would've kissed him in a way both deep and desperate, echoing every way Saeran had ached for him.

He would've been eager to touch Saeran as much as he could, as always - taking that need to the extreme, hands traveling under clothes and across the planes of his skin.

And...

Saeran gasps, his own hand finding his now throbbing erection. His own desire so strong that it can't be ignored no matter how much he tries.

"Hy... unngh." He whimpers as he strokes.

His cry could be mistaken for a regular moan, but it's obvious who he yearns for.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung's mission concludes faster than expected - he didn't really realise how late it had gotten, until he saw the time glowing on the car's dashboard. (Crap...)

There _was_ a 24 hour place, if he drove closer to the city, but, much as he wanted to give Saeran some time to himself, he also felt an unpleasant rocky ache in his chest leaving his twin on his own like that, after upsetting him.

(That's just how it is... you can do better. You've both worked through worse than this...)

His internal pep talk doesn't do much to assuage the strange mixture of guilt and longing and nameless other emotions swirling around his head.

As such, he winds up speeding to their nearest convenience store, and grabs only the cream, toothpaste, and a small present for his twin.

He manages to leave the store ten minutes before they close, so, at least he doesn't feel _too_ guilty about how late he showed up there.

He's guilty enough already.

(Why would I… want to break his trust like that?)

It all came back to Meta, somehow. Since he started talking to Meta, he couldn’t help but want to ensure he was still closest to his most important person… (right?)

So distracted by his thoughts, he doesn't notice at first as he enters the bunker that the shower's running.

But every other thought in his head fizzles out as he hears the faint sound of a moan...

(...he's hurt!)

But.

Even as his heartrate picks up, adrenaline surging, already preparing to race into the bathroom, he hears something louder...

And...

That's not a sound of pain.

Saeran's...

As if Saeyoung, too, is standing under a warm shower, his whole body heats up, as he realises exactly what Saeran is doing.

(A... ah...)

It's... only natural, living together with another guy... that you'd walk in on something like this eventually, right...?

But...

The right thing to do now...

Would be...

He puts down the shopping bag softly, soundlessly.

Would be...

to leave...

But he's padding towards the bathroom, at least a few steps, before he freezes.

(What am I doing...?)

(I shouldn't be listening!!!)

Or thinking about his brother, naked, erect, touching himself and making those... those sounds...

(...I really am the worst.)

He's getting hard himself, listening to that...

that...

(...is he calling for _me_?)

No. He can't be. It's wishful thinking.

(W-wishful thinking?!)

Fuck.

_Fuck!_

Earlier… when he had Saeran pinned to the floor.

It wasn’t just leftover urges from a date, from thinking about romance.

He wanted to kiss Saeran, because… it was Saeran.

(And... I _want_ him to be thinking about me.)

(I...)

(Since when...?)

He can't move...

He can't think...

**Saeran**

Saeran is oblivious. Completely caught up in his need for release, after so much denial.

He's close - so, so close, to finally being able to let it all out.

To let himself love and covet Saeyoung as much as he wants. To no longer rebuff his touch or words.

To let go of everything holding him back... Including the bondage of their brotherhood.

Saeran's moans bounce off the bathroom walls, and this time there's no mistaking who he's calling for.

"A... Ahh, Saeyoung...!"

**Saeyoung**

The sound burns into his soul and he knows he can never unhear it, can never unthink the things he's thinking right now, can never go back to how he was before.

Can never pretend the surge of pleasure and lust and longing that tore through his body as he heard his twin moan out his name.

Can’t ignore how stiff he is, how ready his body is, how much it wants him to go in there right now and answer his twin's cries... to cover his brother's mouth with his own and swallow every 'Saeyoung' his twin has...

"S... Sae..." he practically whimpers, barely audible, and he wants it so much he almost feels like crying.

He. He can't be here. He can't... he can't let Saeran know he knows...

(Knows what...? Saeran can’t _actually_ … not _really_...)

He makes his way as quietly as he can to the front door, even as every atom of his body is screaming at him to turn around and go back, embrace his brother, push him against -

(It's just a fantasy... everyone has dark fantasies... Saeran doesn't really...) his mind desperately reasons (And BESIDES. I have a BOYFRIEND. Or girlfriend. Even if Saeran _did_ -)

(-but he doesn't, he can't, it's just a common dark sexual fantasy, I've seen the Rumblr tags, Saeran's just using the taboo nature of the idea to get off,he was _furious_ that I’d put him in such a position, he’s probably thinking about something _horrible_ happening to me, right, I’ve seen _those_ Rumblr tags too, he’s dealing with his anger through -)

All these thoughts collapse together in his brain.

(I have to get out of here!)

So distraught and confused, and so afraid he’ll be caught, he completely forgets the shopping is still sitting in the corridor, even as he shuts the front door of the bunker.

(...)

(...)

(...oh, shit.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, we're very much enjoying mirroring the previous fic with Saeyoung's own realisation arc. Twins even in this~
> 
> In the next chapter, we deal with the direct aftermath of everything that just happened in this one. Because c l i f f h a n g e r s.
> 
> While that will be the final chapter, there will be a third fic in this series, that deals with the consequences of both brothers being aware of how they feel. And I'll be posting the first chapter of that fic the same day I post the last chapter of this one! I'll be continuing my holiday daily posting schedule of alternating between this series and the other Choi twins series, so you can expect to see those two chapters the day after tomorrow!
> 
> Thank you for supporting this story with your kudos, comments and views! It's so wonderful that other people are still enjoying seeing these two fall for each other in 2019 T_T BLESS YOU ALL. I know a couple of you tend to only enjoy one-shots but kinda slipped into reading these after reading my shorter solo Choi twins pieces posted here, and it really is such a compliment, I know long fics require a lot from the readers as well as the writers! So thanks for sticking around to see how it all turns out~


	6. A dragon is strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung now has to deal with a reality where he's aware just what kind of feelings he's harbouring for his brother. If he didn't have Meta, he's not sure how he could keep them hidden. His only hope is to focus on Meta... until he can forget about these additional feelings for his brother.
> 
> Shame that he's spacing out so much over Saeran that he winds up getting hurt.

(Okay. I just have to time it for when he stops showering, and it’ll be fine.)

He can get inside the bunker. Grab the bags. Drop them off to the kitchen and…

Probably sprint back to his room to recover. Because this erection is _not_ going away fast. It’ll look weird to vanish like that, but they _did_ just have a sort-of-a-fight. He can probably get away with it.

As he thinks this, he hears the rattle of the pipes that indicate Saeran just shut the water off.

(It’s now or never).

Saeyoung enters the bunker, letting the door close with a loud BANG. There’s no way Saeran won’t hear it.

And it will establish Saeyoung arriving home _after_ what his brother had been doing.

(Ah… maybe I should change my shirt.)

Something longer just to hide his hard-on. Hopefully it’ll be gone by the time Saeran changes anyway, but Saeyoung keeps replaying the sounds he heard in his head and _better to be safe than caught out horny in the kitchen._

You know. That old, common saying.

**Saeran**

As soon as Saeran hears the door, he's hit with a shock of terror.

(No, he couldn’t have heard anything. I... I just finished. It's fine.)

Everything's fine.

He's feeling a lot better too. With that load off his mind, he can spend more time with Saeyoung and not feel like he has to be on his guard the whole time. Saeran inhales deeply in an attempt to calm down his heart.

Yup. Even breathing is easier.

Wrapping a towel around himself, Saeran exits the bathroom to go change...

**Saeyoung**

He hears Saeran enter his own bedroom even as Saeyoung’s changing his shirt.

(Quick!)

Now if he gets himself and the shopping into the kitchen, he’s covered all bases. No suspicious behaviour here!

(Saeran's... probably just wearing a towel right now.)

Okay, time to think normal, healthy things again, and not his brother calling -

(AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!)

He drags his hands down his face and slaps his cheeks. Then grabs the shopping bag and sprints back to the kitchen to make sure he reaches it before his brother does.

**Saeran**

Saeran needs a moment to compose himself as well, clothing aside. It's weird to go from masturbating to someone, to seeing them in the kitchen.

And… despite his brief burst of confidence, merely masturbating doesn't make the situation any better. Only more bearable.

(I've coped with worse.)

At least _these_ challenges allow him to be with his brother. One way or another.

Ready, Saeran heads for the kitchen. And Saeyoung. His face betraying nothing.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung, meanwhile, panics as soon as he hears the approaching footfalls.

(Don't blush... keep a straight face...)

If he fails, best he can do is maybe play it off as shame for his earlier offence.

Yeah. That’s _right._

Saeran was _furious_ when Saeyoung had pinned him down like that and kissed his forehead.

The whole masturbation thing absolutely must have been Saeran taking control of that feeling. Of that outrage. It’s a common outlet for such things. Saeyoung’s familiar with the basic psychology.

Because there’s no way Saeran would _actually_ like Saeyoung that way. Not after everything Saeyoung’s done… let alone it being incest…

(I’m the only innately twisted one out of the two of us. He was just put into a bad situation… and brainwashed.)

Saeran would never want to kiss him, the way he’d thought about kissing Saeran…

…he’d spiral into further anxiety-ridden thoughts, but there just isn’t time.

Saeran’s _here._

"Uh..." Saeyoung starts, as his twin enters the kitchen. Saeyoung’s erection has, at least, mostly faded thanks to his anxious thoughts, but he presses himself up against the kitchen counter just in case.

Worried that seeing Saeran might start _other_ thoughts again. The longer shirt might not be enough.

Better to just keep his lower half hidden. From his other half.

He looks down, and the pot of stew on the countertop in front of him is a useful reminder of why they’re even here. Saeyoung reaches out to take the cream from his shopping bag.

"Uhmm… should I pour in all of it? Or does it just need a little?"

He tries to keep his voice casual, but his mind's a complete mess.

**Saeran**

The atmosphere is thick with awkwardness. Saeran instantly picks up on how tense Saeyoung is, which puts a damper on his own mood just as quickly.

(Of course, he thinks...)

His brother had left the house on… not on the best terms. He probably thinks Saeran is angry at him.

(...I'm sorry.)

Saeran can't risk explaining why he lashed out, but it's for the best. Even if his brother doesn't know the exact reasons why, he'll understand and accept it anyway.

Win-win.

So why does it feel like they're both losing?

"Ah... Just half the cream," he responds.

It's then he notices Saeyoung's shirt.

(That's... different from earlier, right?)

Unfortunately for Saeyoung, Saeran's staring holes at it in an attempt to figure it out.

**Saeyoung**

"Just half of it..." Saeyoung repeats, muttering down to his hands as he fumbles with the container.

(Half... my other half, the one that I love more than anyone...)

(...I'm really losing it.)

He tries to think about Meta. There were already plenty of good reasons to kill this attraction to his twin, but the fact that he wasn’t single was a powerful one. Moreso than the incest, if he’s being honest with himself.

He…

…The hairs on his arms rise.

Saeran's looking at him. He can feel it.

He's _staring_.

(Is he... suspicious...?)

Saeyoung risks a glance up, and immediately has to fight the urge to blush. (His hair's still wet... he looks... sexy...)

How long had he been repressing these feelings?

Now that he recognises them, he can't... not... notice how everything about Saeran... is so...

(He… he said my name… while he was...!)

He peels the foil seal off the top of the cream, but his hands are shaky, and it flicks a splatter of cream onto his arm.

At least now he has something to blame his growing blush on.

"Haha, whoops, uh... don't worry, I've got this. This is the last step, right?"

**Saeran**

Saeran decides to drop it. In all likelihood, Saeyoung had somehow got a mess on his shirt, just like the cream on his arm...

(I want to lick it off.)

Saeran glances away, shrugging at Saeyoung's offer.

Seeing his brother so soon was, unsurprisingly, difficult. "If you insist," he responds, cool as ever.

As he looks away, Saeran's eyes alight on something very different.

"Oh – you got ice cream?"

**Saeyoung**

"Y... yeah...! That's the flavour you've picked out the most when we get waffles, right?"

Waffles were one of the first things he was able to tempt Saeran out of the house for, back when his twin was far more reclusive. At first, he'd been bringing them home to his brother. But even with a freezer bag, the ones with ice-cream would always wind up a little soupy by the time he returned. Still, even like that, they were tasty. Tasty enough, that eventually Saeran was convinced to agree to a waffle date with Saeyoung.

…he should probably stop calling them dates. It’s no longer appropriate.

(God…)

He's going to go mad.

How is he going to know where to draw the line in his behaviours now? Where does the brotherly love stop and the inappropriate kind start?

A slight chill on his arm reminds his he still has a splash of cream, there. Right. Deal with that, first.

Solve a small problem. Then he can work on the next one, and the next.

Eventually, there'd be no more problems.

Just like ironing out the bugs in some code.

Only, some of the bugs are in _his_ code.

He swipes up the cream with a finger and sucks it off, keeping his eyes firmly on the countertop in front of him.

(Right... one problem down.)

An unknowable infinity of problems to go.

**Saeran**

"Yeah, this flavour is good," Saeran affirms, putting away the ice-cream. Turning away from the freezer just in time to see Saeyoung suck the cream off his finger. The scene is so unfairly erotic that he goes weak in the knees.

It's a good thing he just jerked off, or he'd have bigger problems to worry about.

Still… he'd like to stay and watch Saeyoung more... but the awkwardness hasn't disappeared just yet, and it rests heavily across his shoulders.

"Um..." he hedges, not used to Saeyoung staying morose for so long around him, "...I'll get out the bowls," he finishes.

It's a peace offering. They can go back to normal without any fuss.

Saeran knows he should apologise for his outburst earlier, but he knows equally well that it would end in his brother fussing over him. Which truly wasn't necessary.

**Saeyoung**

Recognising the gesture for what it is, Saeyoung finally manages a small smile, though he keeps his gaze on the stew as he stirs in the cream.

(Saeran wants to get along, too... all I have to do is behave myself... focus on Meta...)

Thank goodness he has Meta.

Surely this twisted version of his love and care for his twin could be kept at bay, maybe even completely erased, in time, if he just focuses on Meta.

"Thank you..." he responds, with more warmth and relief than he intended to put in his voice.

That's fine.

Saeran will just think that's a reaction to their conflict earlier, too.

He's gotten away with this.

Saeran will _never_ need to know.

Though, there’s something nagging at him. Some strange thought, about something Meta had said, once… and something Saeran had said…

He stares off into the distance, trying to put his finger on it…

**Saeran**

"Hyung... Hey, hyung!" Saeran calls, bumping up beside his twin in an effort to save the now-boiling stew. Saeyoung had totally spaced out.

"What's gotten into you?" Saeran asks, gently taking the pot handle and taking the pot off the element.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran’s nudge has Saeyoung gulping, now all-too-aware of just how _much_ this contact with his twin affects him.

(I really need to be careful...)

Both with their meal, and his twin.

"Haha... sorry... I'm kind of spacey today, right? I'm lucky I have you here..."

That last part comes out a little wistful.

"I nearly ruined it..."

(I'm so lucky... I'm so grateful for what I have... I won't... ruin it...)

**Saeran**

Saeran gives Saeyoung a strange look. "It's not a big deal..."

More concerning would be if Saeyoung got splashed and burned.

Seriously... something's bothering his twin.

But Saeran knows that Saeyoung probably won't tell him anything.

Meta, on the other hand... maybe he could worm out the details later, through LOLOL.

Meanwhile, Saeran spoons stew into their two bowls. Dinner served.

**Saeyoung**

He has the sneaking suspicion that if he tries to eat across from his twin right now his spoon is going to rattle against the bowl with his nervousness. Maybe he should stall for time. Take a few more breaths before they eat.

"Thanks for doing that... I'll uh... join you in a second... I can make us tea?"

Brilliant! Genius! A power move!

He opens a cupboard next to the stove, scanning the contents.

(Saeran... makes this one the most for himself, right?)

"This one, right?" he asks, taking out the packet while keeping his body carefully facing towards the cupboards.

**Saeran**

"Oh, that's right..."

Saeran knows that Saeyoung pays close attention to his preferences, but it doesn't help his case.

(No one else could ever match you...)

No one cares about Saeran the way Saeyoung does.

Ducking his face, Saeran studiously looks at their bowls. Trying to get his heart rate under control.

There's a pause.

(Move, stupid!)

"...Thanks." Saeran murmurs, as he steps out of the kitchen.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran's exit is both a relief and a terrible ache.

Though it’s not exactly a new feeling. He always missed Saeran, when he wasn’t there. It’s just that his recent revelations have only made it _worse_.

(Is this just going to be my life from now on?)

Still lost in thought, he absently moves to pour boiling water into their cups – but fumbles, scalding the arm that he'd splashed cream on just before.

He can't help but cry out in pain, eyes watering as his nerve endings all send a very unpleasant set of signals to his brain.

**Saeran**

Saeran hears the yelp exactly as he's placing the bowls on the table, and there's no denying what it is – he's heard people in pain enough to last a lifetime.

Immediately he rushes to Saeyoung's side, scanning him for injuries.

(Stupid airhead. He said he was spacey, you should've known...)

But now isn't the time to berate himself.

Identifying the burn, Saeran quickly pulls Saeyoung to the sink and turns on the cold tap. All without a word, his lips pressed tight in a worried line.

**Saeyoung**

"S... Saeran..."

He was there so fast...

At least the pain means his underlying physical arousal has _completely_ been quashed. He wonders idly if this is going to be the best way to control his attraction from now on. Carry a pin around, perhaps, to stick himself with every time he wants to reach out to touch his brother’s cheek...

The pain is a blessing for another reason, too. Like this, he can actually enjoy Saeran’s attention, without feeling guilty about it.

"...I guess this is a day for accidents, huh..."

accidentally burning his arm...

accidentally overheating the food...

accidentally tripping his twin...

accidentally uncovering his own feelings...

He turns his head to look at Saeran's worried profile.

(He's so close. Again.)

Being cared for like this...

...feels really good.

Eyes still watering from the burn, he can't stop himself from smiling like a complete dumbass.

**Saeran**

By chance, Saeran glances up to Saeyoung's face when he speaks and is momentarily thunderstruck by the smile.

"...what are you smiling for?" he manages to ask, more affected by Saeyoung's smile than his twin could possibly know.

 Water keeps running along Saeyoung's arm. Perhaps longer than necessary.

Saeran isn't paying attention to the injury any more.

**Saeyoung**

"You..." Saeyoung replies, dizzy with the feeling a moment too long, letting himself go a word too far.

He blushes a half second later, looking back down to his arm.

He doesn't want to lie to his brother. They've had enough lies in their lives for a lifetime.

He just has to deliver the truth in such a way where it won’t reveal how twisted he is inside.

"You caring for me like this..." he says softly, still looking down into the sink. "I just had to smile, is all..."

The pain is worth it, to have Saeran here with him like this .

(Yes... suffering through my twisted thoughts... it's all worth it, so long as I can have him with me...)

**Saeran**

Little does Saeyoung know how his thoughts echo Saeran's over the past few weeks.

Saeran looks back down to the wound, and lets his fingers run over it as if testing how sore it is. Carefully weighing Saeyoung's words and storing them in the safest place of his heart. (You don't need to be hurt for me to do this. But... I understand the appeal.)

The comfort one gets from being hurt can be so sweet.

"I know you'd do the same," is all he replies, keeping his feelings locked tight in his chest.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah-"

Saeyoung sucks in air at the touch on his arm. It does sting, a little, but it's nothing compared to the sight of Saeran's fingers on his bare skin, and the shiver of yearning he feels.

"Yeah…” he agrees quietly, as if afraid anything louder will scare Saeran off, just like the butterfly.

He doesn't want this closeness to end. Though it’s inevitable it will.

"Uhm... I'll keep this under the water a little longer... could you... get the burn gel? It’s in our first aid kit, in the linen closet. And maybe a small towel from there, too...? Sorry about this..."

**Saeran**

At this point, Saeran's wondering if Saeyoung is getting sick. He sounds so unlike his usual self, and it lines up with how much his brother has been zoning out.

In an automatic movement, he raises a hand to his twin's forehead to test his temperature. Just like Saeyoung used to, when they were children.

(It doesn't feel hot... But my hands were just under cold water.)

"Okay. You should rest after we eat," he determines, stepping back to get the first aid kit.

**Saeyoung**

(Does he think I'm...?)

His heart flutters at the touch, and the concern.

He just wants more of it.

More of Saeran's care.

 _All_ of it...

As Saeran leaves, Saeyoung takes the opportunity to splash some cold water on his face, too.

His forehead might not be warm, but his cheeks are definitely red.

**Saeran**

Meanwhile, Saeran makes quick work of tracking the first aid down and returns to his twin. Turning the tap off, he takes Saeyoung's arm and carefully dabs it with a towel, before reaching for the burn salve - and stopping himself.

"Oh… I’ll let you do that."

His affections are leading him astray again. It's better for him to step back.

"I'll finish making the tea."

Too long spent on the injury will mean their dinner gets cold.

**Saeyoung**

"It... it'll hurt less if it's you doing it..." Saeyoung fumbles out idiotically, desperately, showing no sign right now that he's managing to put his brain between his mouth and his heart just yet.

Plus, it's patently untrue. Someone else, not sharing your pain receptors, is much more likely to cause additional pain...

(God. I sound like such a child right now.)

But what's said is said, and now he steels himself for the inevitable rejection. It's what he deserves, for being greedy.

**Saeran**

Except Saeran can understand the logic. Every time he treated his own wounds felt miserable, but having someone else look after him... it helped, at least a little.

He can do that much for Saeyoung if he's sick, can't he? There’s nothing wrong with it.

It's a weak excuse that causes Saeran to sigh. Yet he's reaching for the salve anyway, greedy for the chance to do this. To feel how Saeyoung wants him, at least in this way.

**Saeyoung**

The rejection never comes, though he interprets Saeran's sigh as a sign he’s pushed his twin far enough for one evening. He should be grateful he's been given this much.

"Thank you..." he mumbles.

As Saeran's fingers touch his skin...

...he's reminded of how they’d felt, entwined with his at the nocturnal house.

(If only I could have stayed in there with him forever. In that crepuscular half-light, where anything felt possible.)

**Saeran**

Saeran carefully applies the gel, rubbing it against Saeyoung's skin in slow circles. It's soothing.

Unfortunately, the injury isn't that big. In no time at all Saeran is done and putting the gel back into the kit.

"Feeling better?"

**Saeyoung**

"Yeah... thanks to you."

And he is.

Doing something like this with Saeran... proves he can have these dangerous feelings and still be the brother he should be. Albeit a little clingier and more airheaded than usual. But. He can do this. And these little scraps of affection...

...they're enough. He can survive on this and keep the monster inside at bay.

**Saeran**

Tea preparation completed soon after, they head to the living room for their meal. It’s an unusually quiet one. Saeran chalks it up to Saeyoung not feeling well.

Maybe that's why he was so clingy earlier, too?

Yes, his brother could be overly touchy, but something about it felt _different_ this evening...

When they're finished, Saeran collects all the plates himself. Fully intending to clean up while Saeyoung goes to rest.

**Saeyoung**

But instead of resting in his room, Saeyoung splays himself across the couch after Saeran leaves, staring up at the ceiling. At a loose end.

It's not like he _needs_ to rest.

Probably.

He just needs to think.

Or. Maybe not think at all.

Listening to the sound of Saeran tidying up is calming.

A year ago, the idea of being able to listen to sounds like this would have been a dream... to have Saeran interact with him so frequently, leave the house as often as he has... share meals this regularly...

Maybe…

this is all…

a dream...

**Saeran**

For better or for worse, it's very much reality.

It takes no time at all to clean up, leaving Saeran to discover his brother lying on the couch as soon as he exits. Eyes shut, and mouth slightly open as he naps.

(If he’s not well… but doesn’t have a fever… he should have a blanket, maybe?) Saeran fetches one, while he’s putting away the first aid kit. Then goes back to the living room, to drape it over Saeyoung.

**Saeyoung**

It's a light nap at most, induced by a large meal and a come-down of adrenaline...

But light sleep is the perfect time to dream.

He feels the blanket over him, senses his brother at his side and -

\- he reaches out, catching the fabric of his twin's pants.

"Saeran-ahhhhhhh..." he mumbles, tugging at his leg. "Come to bed... I wanna mkrkph..."

He trails off mid-sentence, incomprehensible.

**Saeran**

Incomprehensible Saeyoung may be, but Saeran's willing to fill in the gaps. As children they slept together more than once, trapped most of their day in a small room. Particularly when Saeran was feeling ill.

He's not willing to sleep with Saeyoung now. It's too intimate to allow himself.

He does, however, catch Saeyoung's hand and gently pry it off. Continuing to hold it.

"Go back to sleep, hyung," he murmurs, admiring his brother's peaceful face.

He'll have to let go once Saeyoung's completely unconscious, but for now it's fine.

**Saeyoung**

"Don't wanna..." Saeyoung mutters, curling his fingers into Saeran's hand.

His brother won't lie with him, so he'll sulk. As children, that would have worked, not that Saeyoung had ever needed to convince his twin to snuggle together back then.

"... just want you," he sulks further, sighing in the direction of their entwined fingers.

But the hand in his is a comfort, even if he wants more, and he sleepily circles his thumb against it like he did at the zoo, drifting deeper at last, his grip growing light.

**Saeran**

It makes Saeran ache, and for an instant he's almost tempted to lean down and kiss Saeyoung's hand in his. It would be such a small, inconsequential gesture...

And so wrong. Saeyoung would never want it. Never consent to it.

So he waits until Saeyoung drifts off completely. It's a small blessing he doesn't make the same squeak he did at the zoo having his twin touch him like that.

Finally, when he deems it safe, Saeran extracts his hand.

(I should...)

He looks down at Saeyoung's face. Hovering and needy.

(Go. I need to go.)

And do what, he doesn't know. He'll figure it out once he's away from here.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung naps for an hour or so after his twin leaves. Though he never leaves in Saeyoung's mind.

Which, on waking, leaves him briefly confused.

"Saeran?!"

(He was here... I...)

(I'm on the couch...) The blanket a fresh one from the linen closet. Saeran must have...

He feels warm and hollow at once, touched by the gesture but wishing he could remember it, wishing he could have pulled his brother into his arms just like he's been dreaming about...

(I... have to think about something else.)

He wraps the blanket around his shoulders, and heads back to his room. Maybe if Meta's still up, he can fill his head with thoughts of them instead...

Healthier, more acceptable thoughts...

**Saeran**

As it so happens, Saeran has decided to occupy his time with LOLOL. He doesn't have to spend all his time on it only when Saeyoung is there - and it’s smart to chat with his guildmates independently every so often too.

Suffice to say, he isn't expecting to see Star log in. (Did he wake up? He must be feeling better.)

> > Meta: Star!
> 
> > Meta: I thought you weren't logging on tonight.
> 
> > Meta: How are you?

Which is true, since usually Saeyoung logged in almost immediately after dinner.

**Saeyoung**

It's a relief to see Meta.

> > Meta...
> 
> > I just woke up from a nap...
> 
> > I'm all over the place today...

He's not even typing the way he normally would.

> > I'm glad you're here.
> 
> > Was lonely when I woke up.
> 
> > How are you...? Did you eat?

**Saeran**

For a moment Saeran is struck with guilt, though its immediately followed by gladness. Saeyoung sought him out... No matter what form he took.

> > Oh no :(
> 
> > I'm sorry to hear that.
> 
> > You seem out of sorts.
> 
> > Are you okay?
> 
> > Don't worry about me, I've eaten.

**Saeyoung**

> > I'm glad...
> 
> > Um...
> 
> > As for the rest...

Saeyoung misses the messenger interface. It's so much easier to chat from. At least for him. Being the designer might have biased him, though…

> > I'm worried if I start explaining myself we'll be here all night
> 
> > Haha...
> 
> > Don't want to force you to be my therapist
> 
> > that'd be a full-time job
> 
> > let's just say...
> 
> > I never thought I was a good person, exactly...
> 
> > But, today I realised...
> 
> > I'm even worse than I thought...
> 
> > Haha... what am I saying;;
> 
> > I’m glad to get to spend time with you

He feels. So guilty.

(Meta... you're so kind and fun and wonderful and I'm...)

(Obsessed with my own brother...)

**Saeran**

Now Saeran is more concerned. It's entirely possible Saeyoung's depressed because he's feeling sick, but until now he had no idea exactly how his brother had felt.

Maybe he couldn't say or do anything as his brother...

But as Saeyoung's lover, surely Meta could?

> > Oh, Star... it hurts to see you like this.
> 
> > Maybe I'm not your therapist, but I care about you...
> 
> > Maybe we could go somewhere pretty and talk about it?

In Saeran's case, a change of scenery helped in his worst moments. Even in a game. Saeyoung might feel the same.

**Saeyoung**

> > Oh...
> 
> > I think I must really prefer comforting to being comforted
> 
> > I feel guilty haha.
> 
> > But... I guess
> 
> > If you want, you could come to my room

He of course means his room at the guild, not his physical one, because how could Meta do that?

> > I was planning on showing it off to you later anyway

**Saeran**

Of course it's the guild room. Saeran knows that.

His heart skips a beat anyway.

> > Oh – okay.
> 
> > Maybe that will help you feel better too.
> 
> > I know I'm excited to see it. ^^

How could he not? It's an expression of how close they are, at least on some level.

**Saeyoung**

They party up, and Star takes them straight there, a little excited to show it off even now.

> > Tah-dah...!

It's no surprise, really, that after playing so long, Saeyoung's room would be breathtaking.

And it is.

If budget and physics were no limit, he'd absolutely make his real-life room like this too.

The floor, walls, and ceiling have all been customised so that it looks like they're out amongst the stars for real. Glowing lights (repurposed from a faerie theme pack) dance around, adding depth to the illusion.

SevenStar certainly has a lot more than seven stars in her room... more like, seven thousand.

There's a pretty music box in the centre, with some quest artifacts and models of characters from the game piled around it.

A beautiful bed covered in galaxy themed blankets...

Honestly, not nearly as meme-y as the Guild Hall.

That was the outside.

This was the inside. What Saeyoung wanted to surround himself with, privately. When not performing or playing.

**Saeran**

Of course, Saeran isn't surprised that this is his brother's aesthetic. He already knows that very well.

Still, it is beautiful.

> > Wow...
> 
> > I can see you put a lot of love into this
> 
> > It's really pretty.

He has Meta go and interact with one of the toys, curious.

**Saeyoung**

> > u think so?

Saeyoung perks up a bit, happy to be sharing this private area with Meta.

Being close with Meta... he's allowed to do that as much as he wants...

The toy Meta touches straightens up, and begins to twirl like a ballerina, switching feet and direction every few rotations. In this case, it's one of the enemies in the game, a whirling bipedal monster with long, trailing tail feathers...

> > They based these off the idea of the "whirling dervishes"

Star explains, unasked.

> > I just liked the design and their lore...

**Saeran**

> > That's really cool!

His enthusiasm isn't faked. Saeran's just as interested in these kinds of facts, and it's pretty, too. He'll have to noogle more about it later.

Next, he presses the music box. Interested in what music Star has queued up.

**Saeyoung**

This song... is certainly part of Saeyoung's aesthetic, too.

A recording of the chocobo notes that Saeyoung played before... the music he had written for his twin.

Of course, Saeyoung knew it would play his composition, but it hits him hard hearing it, all the same.

> > Ah...

He has Star sit on the ground. It reflects his feelings well enough.

(Saeran... no matter what I do, I can't stop wishing I could be at your side...)

**Saeran**

> > Star?

The tune is instantly recognizable to Saeran, but he doesn't understand why it's making Saeyoung react quite like that. He’d been all too happy to share it, last time.

He has Meta sit on the ground next to Star and reach out to pat her shoulder. Perhaps it's an empty gesture in a virtual world, but it's all he has.

> > You must be having a really hard day.
> 
> > I meant it when I said I'd listen
> 
> > No matter how long you needed to talk

**Saeyoung**

> > Haha...
> 
> > I'm the only one to blame for why I’m like this
> 
> > So it feels silly to complain

Saeyoung pauses for a minute, trying to work out how to express himself

> > My problems all used to be outside of me
> 
> > But it turns out there's so many bugs in my own code
> 
> > Haha...
> 
> > Or maybe they're butterflies...

Yeah... maybe he can talk about it this way. In a way where he doesn't have to outright admit his brother complex to his lover.

> > there's a beautiful butterfly...
> 
> > I want to hold in my hands...
> 
> > but I can't...
> 
> > even though its all I can think about...
> 
> > whenever I touch it, there's a risk the scales will rub off
> 
> > and it won't be able to fly any more...
> 
> > I know you told me before... to be more honest about how I felt...
> 
> > but if I let myself really be honest...
> 
> > and took as much as I wanted...
> 
> > I...

This is so abstract, he's probably only worrying Meta more.

> > I'm grateful for you...
> 
> > If it wasn't for you...
> 
> > I'd have nothing but butterflies in my head...

That last statement probably didn't go any way to clearing things up. But.

Where to walk the line between metaphor and "I want to kiss my twin brother?"

**Saeran**

Saeran's holding his breath again, heart stuttering in his chest.

He shouldn't read too much into this.

He _can't_ read too much into this.

But with all the knowledge he has of his brother, and of what happened today, and the sense that they may have truly kissed... (He doesn't feel that way. He's only upset because I lashed out when he was trying to be close with me.)

It’s the only feasible explanation.

Bringing a hand to his lips, Saeran gnaws at his nails anxiously. Lost on how to confront and comfort his brother.

> > A butterfly?

He manages to type.

But on second thought, it might be better to not ask for clarity. That could lead to awkward explanations he couldn't be expected to accept.

> > Well... That sounds difficult.
> 
> > I know what I've said before
> 
> > but I agree that...
> 
> > you should know your limits too
> 
> > so that no one gets hurt
> 
> > and it sounds like you and the butterfly would both be hurt if you acted the way you wanted

Saeran is equally cognizant of that pain.

> > Honestly I've experienced what you're going through too
> 
> > So it makes me sad...
> 
> > It's horrible to feel this way
> 
> > And I only wish for you to have happiness

Saeran pauses. Much of what he said had become stream of consciousness, but it's painfully true. He wants Saeyoung to be happy... And to give him happiness.

But selfishly, he wants that too.

Or else why would he still be playing LOLOL?

So if this is the only place he can have what he wants, and can be honest, then...

> > if I'm completely truthful
> 
> > It makes me happy to know I have you here
> 
> > and that you came to me
> 
> > when you're feeling like this.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung doesn't feel like less of a burden, and the guilt is still there, but...

The loneliness... less so.

> > You, too, Meta?
> 
> > You're... a unique and precious creature, too...
> 
> > Though it feels silly to compare a giant dragon guy to a butterfly, haha...
> 
> > But, you...
> 
> > You always...
> 
> > from the start, there was something special about you…
> 
> > and I wanted to know you more and more...
> 
> > I just wish I had more to offer you tonight than sad stories about butterflies...
> 
> > but, we must have had some similar experiences... it makes sense
> 
> > it explains a little of how easy it is to talk to you....

He's so lucky. Without Meta, what would he be doing now? Sinking into depression, probably...

> > I... don't mind keeping this online
> 
> > though today, I wanted to hold... and be held... so much
> 
> > but you...
> 
> > and my sibling...
> 
> > you're the only ones...
> 
> > that make me want to smile... and mean it... even when I'm in pain...
> 
> > thank you...
> 
> > I feel a little better...

**Saeran**

Once again Saeran's at a loss for words. He too wants to hold Saeyoung, so much. _So much._

He can't.

Both socially and for Saeyoung's sake, but also because acting on such feelings scares him, too.

But. That's in reality.

Here...

> > I know it's not the same
> 
> > But...

He has Meta give Star an awkward hug, one that's too far and clips through the both of them. But it's the thought which counts.

> > If I can cheer you up even a little, I'll take it!

**Saeyoung**

And, Saeyoung smiles... and means it.

> > Haha...
> 
> > You're really cute, you know that?
> 
> > You might be as tough and cool as a dragon...
> 
> > But, your heart is bright and lovely like a butterfly, too...
> 
> > Both have scales after all, right?
> 
> > Butterflies...
> 
> > And dragons...
> 
> > Both of them deserve to fly...
> 
> > And be treated with gentleness and respect...
> 
> > Meta...
> 
> > I like you so much...
> 
> > I promise...
> 
> > I'll do my best for you, too...

It's the same warmth... the same glow he feels about Saeran... has always felt about Saeran...

_Of course._

Maybe this is why he’s finally recognised the nature of his feelings for Saeran. Because he sees a reflection of them, with Meta.

But with Meta, he doesn't have to worry about going too far... well, except for Meta's own boundaries.

> > I know I've said it before, but, you can come to me too, okay?
> 
> > And I'll listen
> 
> > I don’t want it to be one-sided ^^

Star beams at Meta.

**Saeran**

Meta blushes in return, and Saeran's fingers type out what's possibly one of his sappiest lines yet.

> > All I want is to spend time with you.

It's... weak-willed and pathetic, but Saeran's long accepted that it's better to live that way than push away his need for love.

And it feels good to hear how important he is to Saeyoung, no matter which metaphor he chooses. Though it does slightly irritate him to know that Saeyoung thinks of him as so delicate a creature in real life.

That's why interacting through LOLOL is the best.

> > I know you said you prefer to do the comforting
> 
> > But your company is comfort enough.

He's a dragon, after all. There was a difference between that and a butterfly. A dragon could be dangerous, and hoard what is theirs. A dragon doesn't break so easily either. It's strong.

He’s strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we begin the third fic in this series, where their two worlds of LOLOL and reality begin to blur.
> 
> The way it starts? A dating sim!
> 
> You can read the first chapter of the next fic in the series here: [The Space Between Words, Ch 1: Childhood friends ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17373917/chapters/40886153)


End file.
